You saved my life.

I really don’t know what to call what’s between us. I know that we are friends. Good friends. And that could be all we ever are, maybe that SHOULD be all we ever are. All I know is the other night, when you told me that there came a point where you were going to remove yourself from this earth. I cried because I didn’t know what I would ever do without you. I know you may not realize just how important you are to me, but you saved my life. Yes, YOU saved my life. I really don’t think that my heart would still be beating right now, if I never met you. There would be no air in my lungs, and no light in my eyes, if I had never talked to you. Now I know that we are just friends, but I love you. Now I know I’m not ready for a relationship right now, because the last guy I gave a piece of my heart to, broke it. But on a day, I don’t remember when, I gave you a piece of my heart, and you are the only one that has a piece that hasn’t EVER broken it. Many people don’t understand this bond that we share, and a lot of people still ask me if we go out, because of how loving we are to each other. I just smile and say no, he’s just my best friend. But I’m thinking, yes, he’s my best friend, he knows more about me than anyone else, he’s ALWAYS there for me when I need him, he protects me, and he cares for me like no one ever has, because no one has ever cared for me much. But no, he’s not my boyfriend. And no, I don’t have a crush on him. I just love him. Because one day, he became my world, fixed my broken heart. Made me smile when I was sad. And yes, saved my life. Why am I writing this? Oh I don’t know. I’m just worried about him I guess. Well. More like I’m worried that I’ll never be able to return the favor, of all that he’s given me. And that kills me. I want to save his life, like he’s saved mine….the other night when he told me he would have killed himself if it hadn’t been for me, and how he stopped hurting himself because of me, I really didn’t know what to say. Because every single morning that I woke up, I couldn’t think of one thing that I could say I had done, to impact someone else’s life in a good way. And he kind of surprised me, with basically telling me that I saved his life. Now all I think about is how I can return the favor. Or more like, IF I can return the favor. I really don’t know what’s holding me back. Fear? Fear. That’s what it is. I’m too scared. I’m always too afraid of hurting people. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to return the love that he has shown me, and I don’t know why. We’ve both been hurt A LOT in our lives, and I think that we both depend on each other for support. I just know that on a day soon to come, I’m going to be faced with the situation of returning his love, and yes I love him, but do I really love him like that?