okay so I'll try to make a REALLY long story short. But that's probably impossible aha
months ago, I liked this one guy. and he was- well I thought he was- a really good friend. Like I probably told him a couple things other people might not know about (besides my best friend but still).
(BACK STORY: this guy liked me for about a year before, but I constantly told him no)
and so...knowing he was choosing between me and this one chick, and us both knowing we didn't want a relationship, I still lost my first makeout to him. I knew it was a mistake then, and I know it's a mistake now. But still I don't have any regrets- everything happens for a reason doesnt it?
OVERALL, I'm skipping little parts, the guy lied to me and used me. I mean he never once told me how he felt, he never carried on a conversation, he was barely a friend to me.
And when all this got over with and we were just friends....Well he never made a real effort to be my friend. And he never respected me as a friend or person. He tried pushing me into liking someone I didn't want to like...he always made fun of me in front of me and behind my back...Just bad news.
And he assumed that I still liked him because I had told my friend I wasn't fully over the situation of him lying to me (only because he wasnt treating me right at all though), I eventually called and said I didn't want to be friends.
I don't deserve to be disrespected and treated like crap, when all I ever did was be nice to him.
Anyways, I hear the next day he has a message for me and I called him and said "Okay, I can't get the message, just tell me" "no, I don't care anymore" "you're a fucking coward! I dont understand this...why?" "Because I just don't care anymore" so I hang up and I read the message and it basically says this:
"All the drama* is your fault and it revolves around you, you almost made me lose my friendship with ppl. and I'm not interested in you, I'm interested in her** (< that part was exact words) and get over it
sorry for the typos =] (YES HE ADDED A SMILEY!)
(*there was drama one day, and I wasn't even there when it happened but I got blamed for it somehow [long story short again: my other friend hooked up with some chick and the guy who lied to me got into a fight with that guy.I have no clue why]
(** that's the one chick he was choosing between me and her before. She has now broke up with her bf for this guy. and this guy has already broke up w/ her twice when they used to date a couple years ago)
I guess all the anger I held in from being too nice to people was all let out after because I called him and yelled at him for a good 15-20 minutes. I felt really shaky after, but I felt really good for standing up for myself.
For months I had let myself be treated like crap, only be treated nice when it was convenient for him, never heard how he felt, and disrespected- and I hoped one day he would change.
And I already knew that people can't change unless they want to, but I guess I didn't know enough and had to learn this the hard way.
I regret NOTHING. In fact, I am so much happier ever since this finally ended and he's out of my life, because now I'm not going to cry like almost everyday.
I realized that it seemed to take so long to get over him because he was the first guy I kissed like that and I liked the feeling of being wanted...(But I was wanted the wrong way). Physical feelings should fade, but I guess I made it connect to me emotionally so it made it hard.
We have a lot of mutual friends and we'll always see each other, but I'll be mature. That's the only situation we'd ever be put together in, and other than that, he's pretty much out of life.
But yea, I'm a lot happier now. And I realized some things:
-I learned to don't waste time on people who you already know for a fact don't like you back
-I learned to not hope someone is going to break up with their girlfriend for you, because if they did do that, you'd be happy to get your way, but that doesn't mean they won't do the same to you
-I learned that if they already hurt you really bad once, it's not a good idea to give them a second chance
- I learned, like I said, that people can't change unless they want to- and don't hope that they do especially when you already know they're fine with who they are.
and that even if it hurts to let go, that I need to be strong and do it and know that I'll be happier in the end.
And I see now that every guy I get feelings for end up hurting me when I already have a feeling they're no good. I think I'm too trusting and I think I'm just vulnerable enough to let guys do that to me.
I already know I'm happier without worrying about a guy, and eventually I let myself get feelings for someone anyway. I'm not saying that love and being in a relationship is bad, but for me its just too much for me.
I think that I need to be more cautious of the guys I come across and that I need to let go before I get hurt really bad. I know I get stronger (emotionally) after the lessons I learn, but I think I need to start being stronger BEFORE anything happens and let go.
So yea, don't know what else there is to say really. Except for....I feel so free now...And I'm finally content with my relationship status of being single and that I'm going to be patient in finding someone I feel I could have a relationship with...
This whole thing (in the end)... feels so good!!! haha :D
Love always, Corrina
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