An Update Accompanied with Whining, Irritants, and Egotistical Complaints.

I know I've not posted much on here lately. I'm on homebound and it's constantly an impossible catch up since I get three weeks worth of work from the three past weeks instead of the upcoming weeks. It's frustrating. Next semester, I'm going to try some program called Open Campus; basically, I do online classes and can be finished with high school as early as March (depending how fast I work). I miss some of my friends though. I have no ideas about what college I want to go to. I kind of want to leave the U.S. But I doubt I've the grades or SAT score for that (1860, 3.6 GPA... =/ not that great).

Along with all this work comes doctor's appointments. Still no ideas. We're starting to get into invasive surgeries. Joy. I'm scared out of my wits.

In the past two, three weeks, my knee has suddenly been in sporadic pain. That can't be good.

I'm not sleeping well. At all. Under my eyes is permanently purple. Any ideas that don't involve medically induced sleep? I can't remember the last time I felt refreshed after sleeping... or even feeling like I got a halfway decent sleep.

I think I'm going to give up on the new computer. If I'm getting a new one, it probably won't be until Christmas or my birthday (New Year's). Or they could wait all the way till graduation. I'm not sure if I'm just going to go ahead and re-write the Frank chapters, which I really do not want to do because I liked what I had very much, or just give up on it. It's been so long, I doubt anyone will read it.

I'm going to be 18 soon. I don't feel ready. I don't feel good about it. I don't want to be eighteen yet.

I've realized that I am rather out of touch with my peer group. It's scary, sometimes. I don't claim to know anything, but what these kids think they know and really don't know is frightening.

I miss writing for me. I miss my little private journal on my computer. I miss being able to do what I want on the computer without the high possibility of someone else seeing it. I miss sleeping. I miss enjoying what I eat instead of it being a chore. I miss not constantly feeling like I'm getting on someone's nerves. I miss not feeling like a lonely, needy, selfish little brat. I miss my parents letting my business be my business and not theirs. I miss not caring. I miss feeling free. I miss not being smitten with people I have absolutely no chance in the world of having, people I don't even know. I miss when everything didn't have to make sense to me. I miss feeling like everyone around me is on the same wavelength. I miss never having to go to the doctor as apposed to every other week. I miss having an idea of who I am. I miss feeling like I have something to look forward to. I miss the small spots of acne instead of the scarlett pimple patches I have now.

I feel this is too personal for my tastes, but I'll post it anyways. I can edit it later....

At least the cat is always happy to see me and loves me.

I'm done complaining.... I want a pretzel. XD