When Did I Become So Important?

{if you read my journal entry "you saved my life" then you'll know what this is about}

When did I become so important that I became your reason for living. But since you told me I was, then you better not desert me here. Because whether you knew it or not, you were my reason all along. You posed the question "how many people have you said, i love you, to and meant it?" i'm responding to that in saying only one. And that one person is you. Yeah I've said it once before to another guy, but now looking back it was lust that drove me, not love. You know what I want to be able to do more than anything else? Be able to love you completely. I don't know what's holding me back, but I'm sure it's me being selfish in thinking I should wait for someone better. When actually I found someone that i thought was "perfect" ad yeah, he was pretty darn close to it, until he left me for his ex. But you were always there for me, you ARE always there for me.

I worry about alot of things nowadays, but you're always at the top of my list. Because you are basically the other half of my life. You have the only piece of my heart that hasn't been broken, and if you leave me here alone, then I'll have another hole in my heart. Please don't make me hurt even more than I already have! Please don't leave me! I care about you far to much for you to think that I would ever let you kill youself!

I don't wanna be who I was back then!! Hold the door for me!

I keep on rereading the essay you wrote, and you said i inspired you to write it. In those words, I see a different part of you, a part that I wanna know. I want my heart to change so that I can accept you entirely, instead of just your heart.

I'm not really sure why I'm writing this either. I guess I just felt like writing whether it made any amount of sense or not. Just PLEASE don't leave me here, EVER!! I'm taking control now, and I say that, damn it, if I have to live this life, then you do too!

ily2.