Probably My Most Serious Entry

Recently at my school, somebody I never knew - never spoke to, never hung out with, never saw very often even in the halls - took their own life.

It was the duty of the faculty to break the news to their period 3 class, after attending a short and - in my opinion - rather unceremonious meeting. My teacher was nearly in tears. What sickened me, though, was the reaction of my classmates and the general reaction of the student body.

Don't get me wrong. Nobody was happy or indifferent - I'm sure most everybody was sad in some way. But, when a life is lost so close to home, should the people around not be more feeling? I even noticed myself gazing unblinkingly at the teacher, taking in the words and trying to find that feeling inside. The feeling that somebody has been lost, that there is a life to grieve for. I found something, but not nearly as powerful as I thought it might be. People around me were concerned, curious, and disheartened, but anybody who wasn't a close friend of this person didn't seem moved much beyond that.

I figured out - and this won't apply to everybody in the world, and I was certainly surprised to find it out about myself - that I need more physical evidence. Not of the death, but of the person. I heard the name of the recently deceased, and looked in the school annual. Only when I saw the picture of a smiling, happy student did it hit me as it should have earlier. I felt that familiar pang of sadness, of strangeness, of knowing somebody who was so nearby every day of your life was now gone, and of their own accord. I didn't grieve, but before bed that night, I prayed for their happiness wherever they are now.

Of course I was shocked and somewhat appalled by how emotionless our generation has become, but I also know why - some of us may choose not to accept the loss, or to even believe it. For myself, I will strive to be more caring. I will take more notice of those around me. I cannot change my own feelings, but I can see. I will mourn this person.

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I would have submitted this as an article, but I didn't think that to be appropriate. Journal entries are not read as often as articles, and this is not world news. I'm just venting my own feelings. Nobody has permission to spread this.