i guess, maybe, we never know

i was so scared. i dont know but i felt like its happening. i was just in the corner thinkin about myself which i don't really usually do. how could he do such things without thinkin about me. he told me he loved me so much and then he misses me and blah-blah-blah. its all shit! its bullshit. i know i could have done something before things get worst. but he left me. he left me without a choice. he left me without any hesitation. is this the guy i loved? the guy i thought i i know more than anyone else? the guy whom i actually given all? but what did i get? HURT and PAIN.. he knows what ive been through in the past and i thought he understands me. but i, I was wrong, completely wrong in my emotions, wrong that i could almost see myself dying in tears. but everything is just a thought. Pitty on me..

i have loved him too much that i never think about myself. he already told me in the beginning that his wife and kids is in indonesia and i know it all. i know everything and he didn't lie. he told me everything and i accepted it. he never force me to love him, but i did. i fall and now i find it real hard to stand up. few weeks ago, his family arrived and suddenly i didn't hear anything. he told me hes busy.. always busy?? don't have time to send sms or even when i ask him if i could call him, he will just tell hes in the meeting. im starting to feel that he is avoiding me. and indeed he is. what can i do? i only wanted to a piece from his time but he cant. he just cant.

i have a friend who experienced the same situation. actually she first experienced it and now i am. my goodness everything, every details are the same. the bad thing is he was with me when we are comforting her in her misery. and now i find no one to comfort. am i stupid? yeah i guess. but this is how life goes huh? specially when you love the wrong person. too bad i was hit by Mr. cupid and he hit the wrong heart. i wanted to get mad but i cant. im too tired for that. no more tears huh? but the pain well its stuck deeply inside. someday maybe the pain will feel tired and will let go of me. i guess. maybe, we never know.