I really don't know what to do.

So yeah. I doubt any of you will know who I'm going on about, so I'll give you a bit of backstory, so you don't just think I'm a whining ex-girlfriend. Which I'm not, I promise. :P

Okay, last year, last September, to be precise, I met this guy, called Niall, who, I'm sorry, but is absolutley perfect. Not WAS, IS. He's got this chestnut brown hair, and green eyes, and he's always got this gorgeous kind of little half smile going on. I got introduced to him by a friend of a friend, or something like that, but it doesn't matter.
So anyway, my friends were sleeping at my house, and they were all like "Oh my god, talk to him, seriously." I just said okay, and tried to brush it off, but then we were on my laptop, and I suddenly just hear this scream from Gabrielle, and she yells "Oh crap, he's online! Freaking talk to him girl!" So I did. And I guess that's where the trouble started. To save you from ultimate boredom, we basically talked all night, and two days later we met up at school and he asked me out. Cue a hell lot of girly rejoicing from Gabrielle and me. Silly, I know.
But yeah, we had three months of absolute bliss, and the best part of it was that he didn't mind that I was kind of batting for both teams. That was the thing I was most worried about, but he didn't seem to mind, which was fantastic. As I was saying, we had three amazing months...
Then, one stupid morning, in December, he came up to me at school and he looked pretty weird, so I asked him what was up, and he said "Listen, I need to talk to you." This is pretty much how the following conversation went;

Niall; Listen, how long were you with your last girlfriend for?
Me; (Completely unaware) Erm, about 3 months, why?
Niall; Sheesh. That's a pretty long time...
Me; Yeah... Just a bit. But I thought we had talked about this...
Niall; Yeah, but... I didn't think it was for that long...
Me; And? What does it matter? (Yeah, I have a tendency to get a bit defensive when I feel threatened, or unjustly treated, or something like that.)
Niall; I thought... Well, that it maybe it was just a phase...
Me; A phase??? What the hell, Niall? I thought we had talked about this! I thought you knew!
Niall; Knew what?
Me; That if I do shizz with a girl, it's NOT A PHASE. What's wrong with you?

And so on and so forth, up until the point where he said he couldn't deal with it, and he was so sorry, ect ect. That was the end of it. The rest of that day was kind of a blur. All I can remember is that I was crying, Gabrielle and Kelsey found me, I told them what happened, there was yelling, Niall may have got things thrown at him...I spent the rest of the day just floating through lessons, not really connected to anything. It felt like it was a dream, like it couldn't really be happening.

So there you go, that's a bit of back story. Well, when I say a bit, I've only just realised that it was quite a lot. But yeah. It's 11 months on now. I completely hated him, I hated him for being so idiotic and blind and narrow minded, etc etc. But underneath it all, I've missed him so much. There isn't a day goes by when I don't think about him. I know he's a complete buffoon, but I still just want to be with him. I told my friends about this, but they didn't really understand. They just thought I was being melancholy and just a bit annoyed. But, I don't know. It felt more than just a relationship when I was with him, I don't really know how to explain it. All I know is that I would give anything to be back with him. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm over him, but I'm the worst liar in the world. I've had other boyfriends and girlfriends since then, but nothing has really seemed to compare to him. He's at my school also, so I have to see him pretty much every week day.
But I think I'm going crazy. It's like, yesterday, I just sat in my room with my iPod speakers, blasting out Stay by Shakespears Sister on repeat, occasionally alternating it with Because Of You by Kelly Clarkson, and I was just crying. Not even a few tears, but literally, buckets of it. It was so stupid.

But I don't know what to do any more. It seems I'll continue to sabotage any future relationships, and so on and so forth. I don't know how to stop it. And I've only just realised I've ranted at you for about 800 words about my stupid ex-boyfriend. Sorry about that.