hate

I miss being happy. I can't really remember a time I was truly happy after the age of six. That was before my uncle died. I loved him with all my heart I still have not gotten over it same with my grandma she is grieving herself to death.

I have came so close to ripping my skin open with my razor or knife. I really don't care if I die or not nobody would care. I might just take my bottle of sleeping pills so I will never wake up and maybe then I'll be happy.

I miss being happy..

I hate the fact that I can never do anything right or make anyone happy. Everytime I try to do something for someone of myself I get screamed at and verbally abused over it. I hate myself. I wish I would just have died a few years ago when I had the stomach virus (they said if my mom didn't take me to the hospital when she did I would probably have died) I seriously should stop eating. I'm a fucking fat ass pig that has nothing to live for and I don't think anyone will ever care about me.

I might just cut today. I hope I cut a vein.