Mel and I

Okay, one of my best friends in the entire universe this sexy bitch, and are role playing Queens.
Doubt me?
Check this shit out.
[Warning: I am a passive piece of shit]

We are married.
Mel is the husband.
I'm the wife.
(This was all through text messages so the first couple got deleted.
Mel says she is fucking her secretary.
I am shocked and said I need to stay at a hotel for a couple days. )

Mel: No, just…stay. Look, I know I really fucked up. Bad. But I really want us to work this out. I mean, what would the kids think if you just left?

Me: I just need some time to think.

Mel: **sighs** Alright. Just…I love you, okay?

Me: I love you too. I just can’t believe you would do this. You know I’ve never been with anyone else. Am I suddenly unappealing to you?

Mel: No, it’s not like that! Of course you’re attractive to me! You’re beautiful! I guess I was feeling vulnerable and Bettie was just there…

Me: So you couldn’t have said no or came home? I feel vulnerable a lot and I come to you. Was it too long of a drive?

Mel: Okay so I have absolutely no excuse for what I did. I was completely wrong. And if you want to leave, you can go. As long as you are happy.

Me: I don’t want to leave because even though you did this, I love you more than you could ever know. I just feel betrayed.

Mel: I know and I’m so sorry. But why aren’t you screaming at me?

Me: Because it will do nothing. I am too busy trying to fight back tears. What did she do that I couldn’t because I’ll learn. Just tell me what I can do.

Mel: Trust me, the sex was horrible compared to how it is with you.

Me: Why do I doubt that?

Mel: Because you don’t think that I would cheat over horrible sex. But it honestly sucked. She never gave and was too demanding.

Me: Is she thinner? I’ll lose weight. She must have something that made you go through with it. I know I haven’t exactly been… tight since Liem was born.

Mel: She’s no you, love. I know my actions proved otherwise but please just trust me on this.

Me: I trusted you blindly before. Was I not paying enough attention to you? It’s just the kids… maybe I should go lie down… my head hurts and my eyes burn.

Mel: It’s not you as much as it’s me. You know how much of a fuck up I am. And you should lay down, this is a lot to take in. I love you.

Me: I love you too, maybe later you’ll tell me what I can really to do keep this from happening again. Until then I’ll just guess and do my best to make you happy.

Mel: It won’t happen again. I know that you don’t trust me right now but believe me when I say it.

Me: That’s going to be difficult. Right now I feel ugly and confused.

Mel: I know and I feel like complete shit for making you feel that way.

Me: Are you coming to bed with me?

Mel: I didn’t think you wanted me to. I wouldn’t want me to.

Me: Despite what you have done, I can’t imagine sleeping without you. You can still lie next to me while I think.

Mel: I’ll do whatever you want me to, love.

Me: Just lie there and rest. I don’t think I can sleep. Tomorrow you can take care of the kids while I sleep.

Mel: Of course, Anything you need me to do I’ll do it. Just ask.

Me: I love you.

Mel: I love you too.

Next day…

Me: I want you to fire Bettie.

Mel: It’s done. Did you sleep well? You were tossing and turning all night.

Me: Well I couldn’t figure out why you said you were fucking her when you said it was only once.

Mel: She gave me head a couple of times but we only fucked once.

Me: …oh

Mel: You can end us if you want. I know I hurt you and I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.

Me: No, because unlike you, I can’t live with anyone else. I guess she wasn’t as horrible as you made her out to be…

Mel: Listen, no matter how horrible I made her out to be, she’s no you. I told you that.

Me: How long has this been going on? Did you at least use protection or should I go get checked? Tell me everything.

Mel: Only for like 4 days! And of course we used protection! I’m not a complete idiot. That’s it, we fucked once and she sucked me off twice.

Me: Please don’t yell. I am only asking, if anyone has the right to yell it’s me and I haven’t done it once.

Mel: Why not?! A little emotion would be nice!

Me: I’m sorry! I’ve been trying to keep calm! The last thing the kids need is to wake up to us fighting. You know I’ve never been one to fight.

Mel: I know but I fucking cheated on you! Hit me! Do something!

Me: **smacks you softly ** Are you happy now? Was that why you haven’t touched me in a week?

Mel: Yes, it was. If I could take it back I would.

Me: Are you ever going to be able to touch me again? Has she stolen that from me?

Mel: Of course not. I said ‘till death do us part’ and I meant every word. But that probably doesn’t mean much to you now.

Me: No, it means everything to me. That’s why I’m not leaving. I want to know what she looks like…

Mel: You’ve seen her. Remember when you dropped off the kids when you had to see your brother? She was there.

Me: …that was her? She’s amazing.

Mel: She’s nothing compared to you. She’s all looks and nothing else.

Me: That doesn’t make me feel better. I feel like you didn’t touch me for the past week because you had everything you needed. Beauty and personality, just in two different bodies.

Mel: You’re right. I honestly don’t know what to say to you to make this right.

Me: What do you want me to do to have both for you? I want to make it so you have both, all you ever need.

Mel: Please understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s not your fault.

Me: I feel like it does. I feel like I don’t compare. I am almost jealous of her.
Can you be completely honest with me?

Mel: Of course I can. What do you want to know?

Me: Was it good?

Mel: Yes.
Me: Better than me?

Mel: No. If it was, it would’ve happened more than once.

Me: …I meant the head…

Mel: Oh, well then yeah.

Me: Oh… how was it better?

Mel: I don’t know!

Me: I’m going to get the kids ready for day care. Then I’m going to get a gym membership. Maybe get my hair done, I’ll dye it red so it’ll be different from hers.

Mel: If that’ll make you happy.

Me: **comes back after getting the kids dressed. Usually I get dressed in front of you but today I change in the closet**

fast forward

Me: What do you think of my hair?

Mel: I like it.

Me: I dropped by the office while I was out.

Mel: Really?

Me: Yeah and Bettie isn’t so pretty anymore. Sorry.

Mel: **Grins** I didn’t think you had it in you.

Me: You shouldn’t smile. It didn’t solve anything.

Mel: But it probably made you feel better. What did you say? Did you just walk up and deck her?

Me: It didn’t. I just wanted to watch her but I started to think of how she was better than me so I hit her.

Mel: Did she hit you back?

Me: Do you not see my lip?

Mel: **Grabs your chin softly to turn your face** Oh yeah. Do you want me to fire her now? Because I don’t think that hitting my wife is allowed.

Me: I told you to fire before that.

Mel: She got pissed and brought up this sexual harassment bullshit. It’s really frustrating because she still hits on me after I told her it was over.

Me: …I think you proved her right by sleeping with her. Did you want to?

Mel: Well, yeah. At the time I did. But it wasn’t like I played grab ass with her around the office or anything.

Me: Didn’t it make you feel guilty to see our wedding photo on your desk?

Mel: Of course I fucking felt guilty! If I didn’t, don’t you think that I would still be banging her?

Me: I want you to always tell me what you want because I will do it. I want you to want me as badly as you wanted her.

Mel: Really? Well a little confidence goes a long way.

Me: How am I supposed to be now?

Mel: You’ve never been confident and you know it. I hate being the source of your self worth. It’s too much pressure.

Me: Then you could have told me before this.

Mel: I know and I’m sorry.

Me: Well, it’s done now. You always did deserve a trophy wife.

Mel: What, so it’s over?

Me: No! I will not be like my parents. We just need to work at this. I love you too much to end this.
I wanted to tell you something but this whole thing made me cautious.

Mel: What?

Me: **Grabs your hand and places it on my stomach**

Mel: … you’re pregnant?

Me: Yeah. About two months in.

Mel: Oh my God. Are you serious?

Me: Yes! Why would I lie to you about this? **digs in my purse and pulls out sonogram**

Mel: **Grabs sonogram and looks at it** Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited. But a baby isn’t going to fix us.

Me: I know that. It wasn’t like I thought it could. I just though you should know. If you want me to leave…I won’t keep you from seeing it.

Mel: You know I’m not going to leave you. I love you too much to leave.

Me: I love you too. That’s why we have to get back to good. I could use a hug… I feel like a little kid lost at the mall.

Mel: **Hugs you tightly** I’m really sorry I fucked us up.

Me: I blame myself. If I was confident like I used to be then this might not have happened.

Mel: You always blame yourself.

Me: I can’t blame you, she’s beautiful.

Mel: But that’s all she is.

Me: **Buries my face in your neck** I feel like a failure.

Mel: Shut up. You’re not a failure.

Me: I feel like one. I should work harder and you should work less.

Mel: If that’s what you want me to do.

Me: You need to come to me if you feel tempted again.

Mel: I will.

[I so totally do not act like a scorned woman]