I feel bad...

Because I'm writing this on Mibba and not a place where my brother will actually be able to read it. But I don't think I could write this where anyone I really know could read it.

This whole journal is dedicated to Ryan, my best friend who just so happens to be my brother.

He is my light during these dark days. The reason I haven't completly lost my mind. The reason I strive to be better everyday of my life. He taught me so much, and I know that he will love me no matter what I do. He respects me for who I am, not who everyone else thinks I am. He knows as much about me as anyone. He has trusted me with secrets. Trusted me with things things I didn't deserve. But I am sick of disappointing, and being disappointed. He deserve the most respect of anyone I know. He's the only person I know who isn't hypocritical at all. He knows what he stands for and isn't scared of anything, except spiders. He is at the top of my role model list because he's screwed up, alot, but he hasn't let it permanetly scar his life. It scares me alot to admirer someone so much, because if I get my hopes up I'm almost positive they'll get crushed, and I'm not sure if I can handle that. I guess what I'm trying to say here is I love my brother to the extent where I would die to help him, but I know for a fact that I'm not worthy of anyones love. I don't deserve anything
I have.

Bye