Japan and Bitches

What was supposed to be one of the best experiences of my high school life instead turned out to be something that I wish had never happened.

Well, no. I wish it had happened differently. Everyone else came away with great friendships, and I came away hated. I want to go back, though. I miss Okaasan, my host mother. She's the best mother I've ever had.

I hate the way people do this. Like I don't have feelings.
"Oh, we can make Caroline sit on her own, she won't mind."
"I really need to vent some frustration." "Oh, go throw it all at Caroline, it's okay to take all your problems out on her."

They put on happy faces for their other friends, or at least tell them their problems honestly, but with me they get pissed off, or they take it out on me.

Japan would have been mildly okay if that Saturday had gone differently. If Alex and I hadn't fought. Might I add that even though I apologised, and Alex acted like a prize bitch, she was still the one who ended up with all the friends.

I hope maybe one day they'll grow up enough to realise that even though she intimidates them, it's better to be her enemy with a clear conscience than her friend without.

So, to Gabby, Rebecca and even Maryam (the latter of whom I know doesn't give enough of a shit to read this any more):
Go fuck yourselves. I'm sick of feeling second-best. I'm not just the one you hang out with when Alex has other things to do. I'm sorry, I've tried really hard, but I just can't reconcile the fact that my worst enemy is now your best friend. And you don't seem at all concerned that that makes me feel like shit.

Actually, that was mostly directed at Maryam. What I'd like to say to Gabby and Rebecca:
Stop acting like you fucking like me, because I know you don't. Rebecca, everything you accused me of in Japan must be exactly what you hate about yourself, because it's as clear as the nose on your face. I despise you, Rebecca Bullen. I'd rather hang out with Alex than you. I'd rather hang out with STEPH than you.

And Maryam? Despite what you say, I know we're not going to stay friends once I leave Marsden. Alex has taken my place in the group, and there's no room for me in your life. I suppose I'm just too crazy and weird for you. Well, guess what? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FUCKING ENCOURAGED ME TO BE LIKE THAT!

Bitch.