Waiting for an Opportunity

Okay, so basically my life here stands as such:

1. My ex-boyfriend hates me, there's no simpler explanation to it than that. What's worse is that I miss having the friendship we did. I wish I could just talk to him to clear some recent things up.
2. I'm stressed about school. I have one D and my coordinator is most likely going to be on my ass about it tomorrow. I'm not to have anything below a C. Regardless of whether it's by one-tenth of a point.
3. I think I'm now throwing more and more people out of my life. It's hurting more knowing that I can hardly trust anyone that I used to anymore. I know it's life and people screw you over but, damn, I did not expect this.
4. I'm still stupidly in love with my best-friends cousin. And you can't blame me really, but, I honestly don't know why I like him so much. It's this inexplainable feeling I get when I'm around him. Like, I have no idea what to say or do.

But, that's not hardly all I have on my mind. I feel a relapse coming. (Not saying of what though...) I don't know how to stop it. I want/need to tell someone about it. I just have to make sure that the person I tell will not kill me over it.

I'm just waiting for everything to make sense. Wishing for things I wish would happen for me. I need to step up. And make everything make sense again.

I just need that opportunity.