...even if I didn't officially go away.
I just sorta drifted, gradually, posting less often, not caring about new replies to forums...
I guess it was when nearly everyone I knew took out the codes from their themes and profiles, deleted their writing, and moved sites or just stopped surfing altogether, that I too jumped on the bandwagon.
It's hard to stay when there's no one to stay for... and New Mibba's not even coming (FYI it has actually been more than two weeks now, Bossman, and that is a gross understatement).
But recently, I started to check this out again... posting on new, interesting threads, looking at people's profiles... and I realized just how much has changed.
I mean, I changed like... to a great extent, if you know what I was, who I was, this time last year.
I wrote like, every other day at least, I loved MCR with a burning passion, I was known as 'creator' for KTF, I fit into the stereotypical 'emo' even if I hated being branded, I cry to MCR songs and memories of the concert, etc.
Now, I'm not all that anymore.
Summer brought a bf, which brought on desires to listen to songs that don't sing about bloody romances or death or even about being heroic, but love songs. Then I got into other types of music, and found out I can actually stand to not listen to MCR for a whole month, which turned into months, which turned into a little prick of nostalgia when a song of theirs go on iPod shuffle, and I click 'next.' Then we broke up, and I experienced another kind of pain, deeper than what made me almost kill myself. Heartache, which made me grow up. Then college happened, and I re-experienced sex, drugs, and alcohol. I made choices, often not the good kind, rebelled and shit, and somewhere in there I changed who I was. I mean, I still live to write, and I still love to cheer people up, and I can still get silly and hyper... but I do like myself now. I've lived more, matured, and went through stuff most people only imagine and try to reenact in their fan fiction.
With all that hollabaloo happening, I didn't exactly have time to go online for more than six hours every night and chat on MSN with dear-loved Mibbians. Oh, and did I mention, I was in college, which meant actual schoolwork. And partying. Haha.
Sometimes I visit, but then I see people getting along fine without me, going about their net lives like nothing's missing. It hurt, the first few times, but eh... I got over it. The world doesn't stop for anyone, and people move on. It happens.
And I miss them, too. I say that a lot, and I mean it. But I can still live my life, and love it... even if it doesn't always have them in it.
Everything's the same, but at the same time it's not. There are lots of people gone, and more people who came recently... and I know it's wishful thinking to have the old crew suddenly return, for the old Mibba to come back for just one day and we can act like we always did... but I can dream, sometimes, and nothing really stops me.
I guess... it's good to be home.
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