This is not a poem! It just seems like it! Its the truth...

If I had the choice, you would be nowhere near me. I wouldn’t be drawn to you at all. I wouldn’t want you and I wouldn’t need you. You wouldn’t have that stupid sparkle in your eyes that makes me think you’re worth it. You wouldn’t make me feel like I was nothing. You don’t even know you do this. You don’t know that I am always questioning what I do and who I am. I want to be right for you. Any thought of being me has gone and I feel like I have to spend every second trying to impress you. You don’t even though that when you’re with her, I feel like I should walk in the middle of you two. Just to see your reaction. But I’ve tried to find some kind of reaction from you.

Your just oblivious to the fact that I have always been there. When you get annoyed at someone. When the girl you want doesn’t want you back. When you have an argument or a fight. I was there. I was the one you would talk to. I was the one who told you that everything is going to be okay. But it’s not going to be okay anymore. I’m sick of putting myself out there for you just for you to ignore me. I’m sick of thinking that the fact I love you is enough. Because it’s not. I spend my time telling my friends that they are worth more than any boy. And sure enough, they are. They do say it back to me. And I should believe them. But it’s not working. The more I try to forget you, the more I think about you. And when I think about you, I forget about all of the bad things.

I forget that you usually ignore me for most of the day until you want something. I forget that when I smile at you, all you do is nod. I forget that you ignore me when we’re in a big group. I forget that sometimes, you pretend you don’t know me. All I seem to remember when I think about you is all those little things you do. Like when you smile. Or sometimes when you zone out and your eyes are focused on something different. Or when its just me and you. She doesn’t notice these things. She just uses you. And what makes it worse is that you know that she is doing it. You know she wants you for the wrong reasons. I know this too. I also know that you want her for the wrong reasons. But does this stop me? No, it doesn’t.

I shouldn’t have to be the girl that chases the boy. I shouldn’t want the boy who is obviously all wrong for me. I shouldn’t hope that maybe someday, he’ll realise just how much he means to me. I shouldn’t wait for hours for you come online. I shouldn’t wait for you to call. You’ll never notice me. And even though I know all of this, I still wake up at 6am to do my hair. I still try and be a little bit louder when you’re near me. I still stare at you until you look back then look away again. You mix up my feelings to the point where I can’t even tell the difference. On one hand, you rude and arrogant. And you lie. But sometimes, when it’s just me and you, you’re amazing. You funny and talented. And most of all, your not afraid to be the real you. The you I know. The you I fell for.

And I did fall for you. I fell for you fast, and I still haven’t hit the ground. I’m just floating. Floating, though I know why. Its because this love isn’t reciprocal. It’s unrequited and from what I can tell irrevocable. But I still carry on. I carry on thinking that today will be the day you fall for me. The day you realise that I am the one. Not second or third, you’re only one. The only one you need. Not the only one you have, because you have had me since the beginning. You just never knew. You didn’t try and look or find out if those rumours were true. I know you’ve heard them. I remember, because you stopped talking to me. Then you decided that the rumours weren’t true, and everything went back to normal. Well, not normal. You were much more wary of the way you acted around me. That only made me want to be closer to you. I always want to be closer to you. But it needs to stop now. I’ve let my emotions get the better of me. I’ve let take over. I’ve let my heart rule my mind.

It should have been the other way around. If I had acted on my mind, I wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t be walking down the wrong path. I could’ve stopped this from happening. I could’ve told myself no, don’t get in too deep. But I guess that’s what love does to you. It makes you believe the lie that love never hurt anyone. It takes over what you think is right and what you think is wrong. It gives you the false image that love always leads to a happy ending. It makes you think that you could be the girl who walks off into the sunset, hand in hand with your perfect Romeo.

Fairytales aren’t real. Happy endings don’t last forever. I was stupid to think that there ever was a me and you. It was always just me chasing you. And you running away. It was you running away from me, but all I ever did was want you. All I wanted from you was some of those feelings back. But I’ve learnt that you can’t make somebody fall for you. No matter how hard you try.