I hate the holidays. Plain and simple, I just loathe this season.

I remember, I used to love it! Getting together with my family and eating on Thanksgiving. The presents under the tree on Christmas. Even the ball drop on New Years.

At least, until a few years ago.

Around the time I was twelve, I became an Atheist. My parents had tried to raise me Episcopalian, but I stopped going to Church after the other children there started to tease me (but my parents didn't know that). Also, you have to get up really early to go to church, and I prefer to sleep on the weekends.

But that was a year before I decided my religious faith. At first, my parents said nothing, and didn't really seem to care. Who was I to complain?

Then, at Easter (a holiday I looked forward to, strictly because of the candy), they decided not to do anything special for me. My older brother (who also stopped going to Church, but never announced himself as an Atheist or Agnostic) still got treats, and my little sister (an avid Church-goer), had an entire egg-hunt to herself.

Again, I didn't complain, I just brushed it off, not letting it get to me.

Then, this past Christmas, I woke up (hoping to receive a gift), to find nothing under the tree with my name on it.

And, once again, my brother and sister had a large variety of gifts.

This one got to me.

I had never really thought of Christmas as a majorly religious holiday (despite the fact that it started out that way). With this new generation, Christmas and Hanuka (or whatever else you might celebrate this time of year) has become something more of a family holiday. Christians still celebrate the birth of Jesus, and Jews still celebrate the 8 days of light, but for the most part, these holidays have become more material/emotionally oriented.

Most kids (no matter what faith) look forward to a gift in the morning. But this honestly broke my heart when I found out by parents didn't bother to get me anything.

This point brings me to other seasonal holidays, such as Thanksgiving. No gifts involved here, right?

And yet, I still end up disappointed.

Thanksgiving (or really any largely celebrated holiday in the US) involves me visiting my extended family.

They have told me, strait to my face, that they hate my guts. That they're disappointed in what I've become. That I'm the black sheep of the family. That I'm the biggest pain in the ass they've ever met.

I'm a teenage girl. What else could you possibly expect from me?

Now, I do have a few cousins (on both sides of my family) whom I can relate to, and have a good family relationship with. But I rarely get to see them.

My aunt has recently denied her title as my godmother.

So here I am, feeling like shit because my own family rejected me.

Having nothing to look forward to during the holiday season, I've found myself just being angry at all the people who get excited. Even today, in Spanish class, when the topic of holidays came up, I began to cry, thinking of my own holiday misery.

So please, don't try and get me into the holiday spirit. I don't need it.

November 26th, 2008 at 03:09am