Why Mark Doesn't Fail at Life. An Essay.

WHY I LIKE MARK THAN YOU AND HE IS NOT SHIT.

I have decided to write this essay to prove to the world that Mark is funny, nice, attractive, intelligent and good in bed.
I shall proceed to disprove the claims that have [allegedly] been made against him, stating that he is:
A.) ugly
B.) dumb
C.) ‘bad at life’
D.) a fagballs, per se, an idiotic, anti-social wanker.

I shall begin by discussing statement A. There are multiple reasons as to why Mark is NOT ugly, one of the most crucial being that I am in fact a very shallow, materialistic and horrible person and could never, ever be attracted to someone who does not meet a certain physical standard. The possibility of me being attracted to someone who is ugly is simply impossible. It is scientific fact that anyone who is not easy on the eyes is simply not worth my time. 1

Secondly, there is a very high chance that the initial allegation was misinformed; the individual making the claim had such a deep hatred for themselves that they felt the need to belittle Mark in a desperate bid to give themselves a better personal body image by comparison. Thus, their theory is deemed biased personal opinion and not real fact. Therefore their opinion should be disregarded.

Now, moving along to statement B. There is little to point out here, as it is quite apparent that Mark is in fact very intelligent, in fact, one of the most intelligent people I know. And the evidence? There has been perhaps one or two occasions in which he has actually used words which I had to look up in the dictionary in order to continue the conversation…might I add, I haven’t picked up a dictionary in years. Mark and I have had many, (admittedly) pointless albeit informed and intellectual discussions, hence my…ahem…infatuation with him. 2

Statement C, being the most loose-ended statement of the four leaves little room for discussion. Depending on ones personal beliefs or opinions of being good or bad at life could be completely different to the next persons, therefore the statement is silly, misinformed and really doesn’t matter in the greater scheme of things. Personally, I think that Mark epic wins at life, so there.3

Finally, let us discuss statement D. Research shows that Mark is in fact not a wanker. A wanker is defined as:
Wanker
n.
a pejorative term of British origin, common in Britain, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and British-influenced territories like South Africa, and gaining usage in Canada. It initially referred to "one who masturbates"; usually someone who does not engage in sexual activity with other people.
The research was conducted over a short period, although, its results showed that although he does masturbate, Mark can in fact get laid, specifically, by a sexy minx like Paislee.

In conclusion, I would like to state my argument that Mark is in fact not ugly, dumb, bad at life nor a fagballs. In fact, he is very entertaining to be around and one of my favourite people in the whole world. He is also rather good in bed.

1 Information based on well-known scientific fact. Original publication unknown.
2 Information based on careful scientific observation of personal experiences.
3 Common sense.
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Like it? I wrote it as a little self-esteem booster for Mark :)
He was bitching that he wasn't good enough for me so I wrote an essay to prove him wrong.
n_n