I just got back from my friends house, and for about an hour all she did was scream and cry and beg me to "stop ruining yourself" or something like that. She told me over and over again that people loved me and that I didn't need to do "all the bad stuff you've been doing to yourself". I don’t think I do anything bad to myself... even as she spelled it out for me.
What she pointed out is how I never eat anything. I don't eat breakfast and I don't eat lunch at school. Simply for her sake, I looked over my daily eating schedule. I found out that I only have about 500-800 calories a day (she pulled up the internet and a calculator to get an exact number which I don't remember). Since I have an anorexic friend who is on the 2, 4, 6 diet (where you have 200 calories one day, 400 the next, then 600 the next, then you go back to 200 for the next day and so on), I knew just how bad I really was. It got me thinking, like I know I get hungry like a normal person but I just ignore it. It's like I want to be hungry or something!
So after she had her little break-down, I told her I did it because I was never hungry. She didn’t buy it for a second. She began to blame my lack of focus, hyper-ness, minor mood-swings, headaches, and random colds on the fact that I wasn't eating enough. Yeah, I admit that those things are happening to me, but I really doubt it's because I don't eat much. I mean really... I get headaches really easily and I always have. My lack of focus can be explained by the ADD, I'm a hyper person, and I'm a teenager... of course my mood is going to be a little strange from time to time. Even though I told her all this, she still claims that what is happening to me wasn't natural.
I ended up walking home (through the snow, it was cold to say the least lol) and just trying to ignore everything she just told me. It worked for a few minutes, until I saw a commercial for food on the TV when I walked through the door. It got me thinking right back to what she had just said just as I was leaving her house: "You’re fucking killing yourself! You’re fucking going to die and everyone is going to hate themselves for it!". I reallllllllllllly didn't want her to think I was going to die, because I'm not! I measured my middle just out of forced curiosity. I was 24 inches around, not bad at all in proportion!
I'm going to prove to my friend that I eat like a normal person... so that's why I'm eating a vegan muffin and a salad as I type this. It's grossing me out.
Gah, anyone have any ideas?
Not registered?
Create an account