***ed up on Thanksgiving.

I don't even know if any of you have this terrible a life. Well, probably you do, but to me it feels like I'm the one with the issue. I'm truly putting everything into writing this because there is nobody to talk to on Thanksgiving. I have to wait like another few weeks until my next shrink appointment. She's really helpful. To begin, I never really help with anything on the holidays. I don't know why, but today I really did want to. I started by basically doing anything my mom wanted. Then my sister came down. To explain her (Claire), she's a really fucked-up twelve-year-old kid with ADD and the mind of a six-year-old. We found out she had it like a week ago (There she goes whistling by knowing that I'm the one sobbing my eyes out and she's the loved child). She spends her days trying to make me as miserable as possible. Between the stress of her and school, I've managed to get many of the symptoms of Adrenal Difficiency. But anyway, even my friends who have siblings have decided she's a terrible kid. She decided to come in and help my mom as usual, and it pissed me off, but I didn't really care. At least I was finally helping out. She has a way of seeming perfect while insulting me and making me as miserable as possible. I finally burst into tears and left, yelling at her that she was the reason I was the way I am. I now can't see my boyfriend until Monday. My parents just don't see how it is. My dad is so busy working on making his $20000 program for a gas company and when it gets even the least bit bad, my mom just goes up to her room and smokes pot (My parents' room smells like a bomb of marijuana exploded). I'm the one who has to deal with it. Nobody else. Just me. So now the entire family is downstairs listening to Claire's upbeat happiness because of my misery and I'm sitting in my room bawling my eyes out as I realize that I don't even have nightmares anymore. My life is my nightmare. I can see myself just trying to commit suicide, and I know I'd fail. There's no way out of this life. It's horrid. I just wish it ended.