all i could ask for right now

you were too close and i can't remember being that close to you before.
those pictures said it all.
& they got me thinking.

... if everything you told me that night was true.
or if everything changed all too suddenly.
or if it was really you i was talking to that night.
because when i saw you the next day, you didn't seem to be the same person.
at all.

i tried to talk to you.
and you made me feel like you didn't like talking to me that much.
i told myself it was just your mood.
but no matter how many times i tried to deny it.
it felt like you weren't the same person who made me smile a couple of sleepless nights ago.

i gave my doubt a break and gave it another shot.
if, without myself making the first move, you would.
i waited. hours after hours.
you were just there. i could see you through the corners of my eyes.
but you didn't bother. i didn't either. i wanted to know if you would do it first, if you would notice.
then i thought i got the answer.
and it was negative.

on the positive side. you gave in. didn't you? later that day. a couple of minutes before i got to go home.
idk why. if you really didn't want to talk to me, then you should've let the day pass by without talking to me, but you didn't.

but that didn't defeat those hours when i waited for you.
those deeds i did for you.
those times you passed by me like i was only wind... not even. it's like I didn't even give you the slightest sign that i was there.

it was like i didn't exist.

but still, i want that optimistic side of me to win.
see, i'm still being this pathetic girl, trying to convince myself that it's all positive.
the negatives are winning at the moment, but i'm still desperate, and i hate myself for that.

and as a result... i'm confused.
please just tell me. i just want to know how you really feel about me already.
so i'll know what i'll do.
so i'll know how i should act.
so i'll know what to expect and what not to expect.
so i'll know what to believe in.

that's all i could ask for right now.