Scared

Ok, I'm in all honors classes in school. Supposedly I'm smart or something. Well I rentally got a 41 in honors chemistry. Really tough class, tough teacher too, even though she is really cool. My rents arent too happy and I'm scared, really scared of them. Like my mom was really cool, and now not so much, she's back to her usual angry self. I'm actually scared for my life, like seriously. My best friend and brother are trying to help me through it, Its So FUCKING hard. I'm a grade fanatic myself and I really hate myself for a 41, and the don't see that I beat myself up over it already, and they go on and yell at me, and just strike an unhealthy fear in me. Yeah so my mom used to slap me, and so what right? Yeah so what. Anyway, I really shouldn't even been here, My mom wasnt supposed to get pregnant again, and she was just like "poof" preggers, maybe I either shouldn't have been concieved, or just died at birth from not having a compleatally formed liver (i had jondous (sp)). Maybe death is the answer.