I don't wanna lose her T.T

Found out a couple of days ago that my mom isn't feeling well, and that it can be because of her meds.. If it is because of her meds she says she's gonna stop taking them, meaning with 100% certainty that she will die..

I don't know what I would do if that's the case.. Yes, me and mom fights alot, but she's still my mother and I love her.. I don't know if I'd survive losing her.. I don't know what I'd do..

I know I have my dad, but still.. It's not the same.. Besides, my grandmother doesn't really like that I'm bi and the way I dress and so on..
And I have all my friends here, in Örebro, while I don't know a sould in Luleå (where my dad lives).. I know I sound selfish, but if mom dies I really need my friends, not living in out in the middle of nowhere where I don't know anyone..

For once I'm actually crying now though.. I guess this is the kind of new I nead to get the waterworks going..