Lost inside my own little world

Basically,
this is just another journal filled with all the little things that are bouncing around in my head.
All the little things that seem so big and problematic in my own little world. but compared to the real world, are actually pretty minor.

I'm really glad i have this account. I feel like this is the one online place that's really my own. What i mean is, this is the one place where i'm anonymous. There's no one on here that i make contact with that i know in person. well not that i'm aware of anyways. but it's nice. besides the fact that i wanted to keep my addiction to dirty and romantic fanfictions a secret, i needed a place where i could post all those things that i wouldnt normally let known to people who actually know me. or think that they know me.

okay. so now to the real thoughts that have been settled in my mind for the past hours, days, weeks and months.

of course theres something about a guy. what else do teenage girls claim their problems are about?

ummmm. he goes to my highschool and i was never formally introduced to him. i had seen him around sometimes last year and always thought he was a bit cute. this year, i started to see him around more and i really wanted to get to know him. he was so quiet and it intrigued me. he was so mysterious to me and i couldnt (and well, still can't) figure out why the hell i'm so interested in him. so i added him on myspace. i know how terribly pathetic and weird that sounds but that would only be the way i would talk to him. and still do. (repeatedly smacks head on desk)
so, one month later...
and i'm still completely stupid for the boy.
I've talked to him once in person and said hi a number of times in passing. our conversations are still bound to myspace and it's still pathetic.
its just so fustrating that just about no progress has been made in becoming at least friends. at least thats not the impression that i get. he's very very quiet and shy and i, myself, am also. so i guess thats contributing greatly to my dilemma.

and the fact that i am slightly infatuated with a guy i dont know much about at all is very unsettling also.

i've never been so intrigued by someone before. it feels so different from other kids i've had things for. i dont know how to explain it, really.

i think it might be because of the kind of kid i portray him to be because i dont know how he is for sure. he seems to me like the quiet, thoughtful, nerdy guy. he has a very 'wallflower' feeling about him.

im referring to 'the perks of being a Wallflower' by stephen...chbosky?
i think thats the author. if you havent read it, i highly highly recommend it.
its kind of life changing. and i mean that in the least cheesiest way possible. (if thats even possible).

anyways. i think i may be creating the idea of him myself but thats what i honestly feel towards him. i'm the kind of person that really trusts their gut feeling. and that is exactly what my gut feeling is telling me.

i could talk forever about what's going on in my head and all those little thoughts that branch out from the big ones. the thoughts that sprout like leaves from the branches. the lines that sprawl out from the inner parts of the leaves. and the thoughts inside every little ant that crawl across every inch on the bark of the tree.

but i wont voice all of those because i am pretty tired now.
it's 1:56 am in my part of the world and my throat went dry from tiredness about 3 hours ago.

...i also just noticed that during the whole typing of this letter, ive been saying the words in my head with a british accent as i type them. and i am very far from being british or living around people with british accents. its very strange.