Another year coming to an end...

Okay, let's start by saying Merry Christmas!
I know it's Christmas Eve, and New Year's is oh so close.

My opinion on New Year's?
Every year we celebrate the beginning of another year ending and another one beginning and some how I feel like… this year I’m missing something. Perhaps it’s the fact that this year has been one of the hardest for me, in every sense. And one of the easiest. It’s hard to believe that one year can be your worst, and your best. But for me, it has been.
2008 will always be in the back of my head as the year my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. As the year that I fell the hardest for a boy I never should have looked twice at. I realized a lot of things this year, but most of all…
I realized this year that change is inevitable. I lost two of my best friends this year, and I will never forget that, but…. At the beginning of the year I felt invincible, and obviously that caught up with me. When I started freshman year…. I was happy, I guess that happiness and sadness equal out over the years, though, because it didn’t last for long.
When I first started the high school… well, things couldn’t have been better. Me, and my friends, were doing great! And we were all happy to be considered high schoolers, finally. But... then my grandfather started to get sick, and he was sick for over a month before he would go to a doctor. When he finally went, we learnt that he had cancer. And then my cousin was getting sick, and on top of all this, I was dating a stupid boy, when all I probably needed was to just sit back, and let myself be me.
But, I let this boy break my heart, on top of EVERYTHING else. And it’s not like that helped me, at all! And then we learnt I was like one step away from failing my math class, and retaking my history class, and I was grounded for all this. In my eyes, I deserved this, but…. I don’t know. My friends were the only thing holding me together then.
I literally would have broken down those days if there hadn’t been one friend there for me. I don’t even know what I would have done without my old friends then, but I do know that those were some of the hardest days. I only recently began to pull myself out of that.
My dad and I became closer this year and I really enjoy that. I even became a better writer, even though there is SO much improvement waiting to be made. I honestly, have no clue where I’d be today without my writing and my family.
I don’t talk to many of my friends anymore, but… I have my reasons. Over the year, I’ve become quieter and quieter where I use to be SO outspoken, and so… I don’t even have a word for it. I stuck up for myself, and didn’t take shit. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t.
I guess that the point in this journal is to say, 2008 is ending, and this time… I’m coming out on top. I may have changed, but guess what? It’s for the better, because now that I acknowledge it…. I know that I can change the bad.
I lost so many friends, and made so many more, that I’m beginning to think….Maybe, just maybe, I can do this all on my own. I’ve managed lately to pull myself up without anyone’s help, but my family’s. I know my friends wanted to help me, wanted to fix my problems when they learnt how sad I was.
I’m still sad, but I’m getting happier every day, and I will come out on top next year too.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
One of my friends told me that this year… she taught me quite a bit. As this year ends, I think all of us, somewhere have learnt the meaning of being strong. That we need to learn to let go of those who hurt us, and hold on to those who love us.
2009 is just around the corner, and I’m kind of happy to start a new year, with new goals. I think I’m done rambling, sorry if you wasted your time to read this. It was kind of pointless now that I reread it. Oh well.
Kate.