ok so this is part 1, i guess. i was writing this for a while and felt the need to put it up. ill write more some other time
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Ok, so for some unusual reason, I felt the need to write this. You know when you have a thought that is throbbing in your head and you can’t get it out? That’s how this felt. If you don’t feel like reading this, then don’t bother to waste your time. This is just some information about myself. I’m not really quite sure of why I’m writing this, but I sort of need to vent…for no reason at all. Lol.
Ok well…I’m Lucy. I guess you could say I’m a lot like a bunch of other girls. I live in a place where I can’t even compare to the girls that are around me. I’m single and at times it bugs me. I’ll look around and see all these stunning girls with the hottest guys. It just makes me think, is there something wrong with me? I mean, of course I would never do anything drastic to change myself, but I just wondered why I can’t be like THAT girl and get THAT guy. I go to an all girls’ school, so that’s the bad part. I don’t get to meet many guys. But when we go to the mall or movies, I always see a bunch of them. But I’m not the type of girl that can just go up to a guy and start talking to them. It’s hard for me to even just look at them. And if our eyes ever meet, I always have to look away. I’m not even sure why. And I fidget, a lot. But when I’m around guys I fidget way more than normal. I guess it’s what a normal girl does.
I write tons of poems. Well, actually, I guess they’re lyrics. When I write them, I sing along to it as if I’m writing a song. Only thing is there’s no music. But I’m hoping on getting a guitar for my birthday. This way I can learn how to play. Anyways, if you’ve ever read a poem of mine, they are mostly about relationships. Thing is, I’ve never even been in a relationship. I’m sort of a hopeless romantic. I love reading stories and watching movies about relationships and all the romanticism. It seems so unrealistic at times. Even if the stories and movies are fake, some people are able to relate to them. I’m not one of those people. I have nothing to compare IT to.
My parents are really strict. And I get yelled at for the tiniest thing. Just trying to write this is making me tear up for no reason. To me, I feel like I’m deprived from so many things. And that sounds so horrible. I haven’t been yelled at lately. But whenever I do, it bugs me so much that I want to scream. I feel like I’m getting picked on. It’s like…all of my flaws are picked at. And I’ve said this numerous times. It just hurts. I feel like it’s so hard to just be a normal teenager. It seems like I’m normal, but to me, I’m anything but that. Whenever I get talked down to, I feel like everything I do is wrong and I’m never going to be able to do something right.
I’m absolutely in love with music. Yet I’ve never been to a concert. I always have my ipod with me. I barely ever leave it at home. I feel like music is a way to escape everything. Like some songs are so easily relatable. I could just listen to a song and distract myself from everything that is going on around me. I think the reason why I’m so into music is because it’s the one thing I’ve never been deprived of. There were never any strict rules against what type of music I was able to listen to. And that was always the best part. When I was little I would go around singing every song on the radio. And I still do, just not really in public. Even though every now and then I don’t mind dancing randomly in a store. =] Even now though, I’ll be blow drying my hair and take a brush, blasting music, and sing like I’m a rock star or something like that. Cheesy, yes. But, come on, can you honestly tell me you’ve never done that?
I can be self-conscience a lot. And I don’t have reasons why. There are times where I feel like I’m not like that girl who’s so skinny and can fit into everything. It’s so easy for them to talk to a guy and find one that likes them. But then there are times where I like the way I look. Because I figure, if I’m going to be with a guy, I want to be with someone who likes the way I look. Not someone who’s ashamed of me in any way.
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