HEY!
My name is Ellen and I have this very big (but actually small physically) problem named Fred. Fred is my cheating puppet ex-boyfriend. He is a puppet that looks like Johnny Depp if he bred with an elephant. I used to go out with him but then he cheated on me with my best friend (not on Mibba) and so my friend on Mibba, Maryanne (aka rockinrose) and I have come up with 100 ways to kill Fred. I did the first 50 she did the rest :D
#1- Pull out his little wooden heart and crush it with a sledge hammer.
#2- Put him in the fireplace
#3- Make him apologise to me and his ex-wife
#4- Bring land-dwelling piranhas to him as pets
#5- Strap him to a rocket going to Mars
#6- Ask him to choose between Maryanne or Maryanne’s evil twin
#7- Get a dog to bite his head off and maul his wooden body
#8- Get a radioactive alpaca to spit acid at him
#9- Put him in between Ursula and King Tritan
#10- Dress him in a tutu and make him perform in front of an audience
#11- Tell him his dream of being a member of MCR is never gonna happen
#12- Tickle him to death
#13- Ask him what 37207739366x16722886 is and give him 20 seconds to answer
#14- Force feed him a million and two marshmallows
#15- Me to swap souls with him and bore his soul to death
#16- Use a flamethrower against him
#17- Apply the proper amount of ‘Christmas Spirit’ to make him kill himself
#18- Use mind control to make him jump off a cliff
#19- Push him off a cliff
#20- Do something else involving a cliff
#21- Run him over with a pushbike
#22- Drop a UFO on him
#23- Use reverse psychology say for him not to commit suicide
#24- Make him pick between a baby ducky and a baby puppy
#25- Put him in the furnace
#26- Cover in chocolate and lock him in the room with me
#27- Cover in gravy and lock in the room with a pack of rabid wolves
#28- Throw him in a giant blender
#29- Sandpaper to death
#30- Cover in petrol then set fire to him
#31- Or just set fire to him (petrol make it quicker)
#32- Shoot him with an axe
#34- Stab him with a gun
#35- Explosions, always a good choice
#36- Push him into a vortex
#37- Take him to a woodcutter
#38- Put him in the path of a vicious lightning storm
#39- Put him in a cannon and shoot him to the sun
#40- Make him hang around my "friends"
#41- Make him hang around my friends
#42- Tell him Santa doesn't exist (but he does)
#43- Tell him the Easter Bunny doesn't exist (...he doesn't)
#44- Give him a tour of an evil haunted mansion with a hatred for puppets
#45- Make him fight to the death with a giant chicken.
#46- Axe him to death
#47- Drug him
#48- Get a pack of termites to eat him
#49- Force feed him mustard x hot sauce x OJ x spinach x elephant excretement
#50- Step on him.
#51- Stick a fish up his ass
#52- Make him drink cleaning supplies, and say its puppet power!
#53- Fill the bathtub up with hot water and tell him to get in, make him go underwater & breathe until I say stop (I won’t!)
#54- Give him a homemade tattoo with toxic silver pen
#55- Boil several gallons of water on the stove and "accidentally" spill it all over him, and watch him scream and die!
#56- Fill the bathtub up. Grab a toaster & plug it in. Get him in the bathtub and bring the toaster with you. Push down the button & enjoy his last shrieks!
#57- Use your telekinetic powers to make the house fall apart on him (Be ready for a quick Escape)
#58- Shove a Chef's knife up his butt
#59- Put his pinky, as well as any other digits that will fit (I’m sure this whole arm will fit), into an electrical socket
#60- Get his hand caught in the CD-ROM drive and attempt to cut it off with a dull pocketknife.
#61- Give him a million paper cuts and if the paper cuts don't kill him, the counting will.
#62- Get him to skinny-dip in a shark tank with his favorite rubber ducky
#63- Make him take all the pills in your medicine cabinet, along with at least one shot of every alcoholic beverage known to man and he’ll take a little nap. Don't bother waking up.
#64- Drop a lit match down his throat.
#65- Lock him in a room. After he’s eaten the carpet and peeled the paint off the walls for a snack, he'll eventually starve
#66- Crash his car into a department store window displaying a nativity scene. Merry Christmas! (Wait, that’ll kill you as well, Oh well)
#67- Make him eat three tubes of toothpaste - and I'm not talking about trial size. (Just trick him into believing its frozen milk)
#68- Push him in front of an active volcano (You’ll need a helicopter, for a quick escape)
#69- Get him run over by an ostrich
#70- Shove a TV antenna in one of his ear & out the other…
#71- Fill the bathtub with ice and cold water then drop a bucket of jellyfish on him
#72- Blow-dry his hair when he’s in the shower
#73- Stuff toilet paper down his throat until he chokes
#74- Break a mirror. Take two sharp pieces of the glass and shove them in his eyes, hard and deep.
#75- Drown him in a spoon full of water
#76- Make him piss off Homer Simpsons (I’m guessing Homer would give him a doughnut and some beer and then kill him)
#77- Hang him in a closet, with an electrical cord
#78- Tell him He’s on TV, and he’ll charge into it!
#79- Make him eat a dog with heartworms raw
#80- Make him eat baby powder
#81- Make him eat deodorant
#82- Drill a hole in his head
#83- Put him in the way of a moving subway train
#84- Get him to Swan dive into the 10-gallon fish tank. (Say he needs to save Pinocchio)
#85- Nail him to the side of a federal building.
#86- He’s made out of wood right, make him react with fire (and make C02) < sorry, I’m doing science homework
#87- Say Pinocchio Killed himself, and I’m sure he’ll want to be like his hero!
#88- Break a bottle of wine on a table, and shove it in his stomach!
#89- Tell him MCR picked another puppet as their new member! (Dies of jelousy)
#90- Anger a cannibal.
#91- Eat him
#92- Drink his blood
#93- Make him watch ‘The Grudge’ (Im guessing he will get so scared, and die of fright)
#94- Tell him ‘making love’ is officially illegal!
#95- Tickle him until he runs out of laughing energy
#96- Get him a knife, and one day he will contemplate suicide…(I think)
#97- Make him learn all the scientific word equations (I’m dying, I’m sure he will)
#98- Put him in a canon, and FIRE!
#99- Put a battery in him!
#100- Make him read all that ^
Hope you liked them!
Not registered?
Create an account