scared doesn't even start to describe it.

I haven't written a journal in so long. So at 5:30 in the morning on New Years Eve i decided to.
I feel with the New Year coming i really should write something but i don't know what about yet.
Just to say, i am scared, oh so scared, for this new year.
Everyones so very excited. And i just want to freeze time right here forever in fear of what's going to come. So I originally planned on getting fucked up with my friends.
But my parents decided to make me go to some party with them?
Fortunately my friends backed me up and 5 of them are going too. I love them for sure.
But the thing is I am so incredibly scared. This year so many things happened that i never thought would in my ENTIRE life. It was crazy, and i don't regret any of it.
Im just scared of what kind of shit will happen this year. Im positive it will get crazier.
Im just scared for the friends Im going to lose, drama going to start, and hearts broken.
I cant even explain why but Im so scared and so excited. I don't know what to expect and i don't know what i WANT to expect honestly. Do i want to be good this year? Or do i want to go by "You only live once" rule? i think the second ones good. But you never know. But this time Im hoping that ill be chill. No fighting, no drama, no shit. Just chill, crazy, fun, year with my friends. Hopefully my family problems resolve and all is well. I honestly don't think Im making sense to anyone but me. And i don't know what to write about.
Another thing, can i make up my mind? I always feel like Im so young and I hate it. And when I think about growing a year older this year it makes me want to be a kid forever. It's just so weird to be growing older into my teenage years. Like it doesn't belong to me, its just some fairy-tale story you always dreamed about when you were 8 to be a teenager or even double digits with your sweet 16. And i don't know how i feel about it finally happening.
I think way to much.