My closest friend

I've been put into a situation recently by someone who I have cared very much for. She use to be such a hyper, kind girl but somethings happened to her. Shes just so different and I hate it. Every time I look at her I want to run as far away as possible; I'm ashamed of thinking like this but I can't stop it. Each time I think about her there's either hate, love or worry and I cry just about every time.

When I was going through a tough time, she got me help and supported me in the way hat i needed. I lashed out alot but she kept trying and I'm grateful for this. She helped everybody and never said a cruel word about anyone who had never done anything to hurt us. She was reasonable and I loved her like this so very much. Even though she felt that she had a crappy family she never let it get in her way before. She was modest. I think everybody respected her back then. I don't think I could have lived without her.

Now, on the other hand, she talks abou everyone single person behind their backs and there is never anything wrong with these people. She talks about everyone who has stood by her and then wonders why her 'friends' don't want to talk to her. When I talk to her about it she says she's having a tough time and will stop. he never does. She makes empty promises which is what I've come to expect. Though she'll keep one or two then ay she kept all of them. I keep trying to help her, all the time. She'll just push me further and further away so I don't even know what's wrong with her. She know says to everyone that she's anorexic, although me and her came to the agreement that anorexia is fine when you have self hatred I've found from councilling that it doesn't solve anything. Then again she doesn't seem to get any skinnier and she does eat. She's not modest anymore. She thinks shes the best at everything and if people are better than her, she tells them different and destroys their confidence. She's become extremely manipualative.

This may not be a worthwhile subject but it's really being bothering me and other friends have noticed but they just ignore it, as if it will go away. I don't think it will but i can't talk to any of my friends this because they side with her. She's the one who has helped every one of them, I'm just the one is crazy. She refuses to get help and its getting me really far down. Alot of the time I feel I could do better without her. Then I remember, she has my whole life.Every friend I've every made is a closer friend to her and I still love her. It's so confusing and I've already lost alot of people I care about because this has been bothering me.

Theres a thin line between love and hate and somethimes everything you know is depending on the fact you can't find it.