A miracle? Maybe not, but...

I honestly feel as if there's someone up there looking out for us! If you've read my previous journals you probably know that my older brother Sam is currently in hospice care dying of leukemia. Today is his twenty-third birthday.

For the past few days he's slept most of the time and when he was awake he really wasen't coherent. Well, today was entirely different!

He has been awake and talking for a few hours today, he's certainly not well but it is so good to be able to have a conversation with him. I was scared I'd never get a chance to do that again. I know there's a power up there he was making sure we got to spend one last birthday with him.

He is still very ill. (I feel that he was probably more peaceful in the state he's been in for the past few days, which makes me feel very selfish.) But I can't help but feel thrilled that I got one more day with him. Especially on his birthday.

He's very ill though, and that's scary. I'm not going to go into details of his physical condition, but to give you an idea of just what we're up against...There's some something called a LDH count. It's normally no higher then 250. When Sam was first diagnosed (just five weeks ago, which is crazy to think about. It feels like a lifetime ago.) it was 908 which the doctors considered very concerning. The higher the count was, the more agressive the cancer. Now, it's in the 18,000's. Way past levels you'd expect leukemia patients to have and still be alive. Way past the point of no return. Realistically...We havn't got much time left with him.

For now, we're trying to get every last moment with him and soak up every last memory of him. It's so hard, but I feel blessed that we at least got to speak properly with him, one last time, you know? I want things to carry on like this for days, but I know that's wishful thinking.

Oh, Sam! I love you so much! This is so unfair!