I'm worried for my Mum.

I'm really worried for my Mum, you know. We've all been though hell these past few weeks (see my previous journals if you don't know what I'm talking about) but I think she's the one that's been through the most.

She's like the rock of this family. I've seen her break down into tears more then a few times lately, yet somehow she just carries on. But I know deep down her heart is breaking more then anyone can imagine.

When your a mother, when your child is hurting or sick, you just want to make them feel better. You'll do anything in your power to make them feel better. I think my mum feels useless, because she can't really do much at all to make Sam better. It must be hurting her so much.

Maybe it's just me, but whenever you're sick, you always want your mum, don't you? Whenever I'm ill, I just kinda want to lie on the sofa and have her hug me, haha. Even as an adult, like Sam is, I think it's the same. Sam had such a rough day yesterday, he was just so sick and in so much pain, and there really wasn't anything we could do to make him feel better. All he wanted all day was Mum, if she stepped away from his side for even a second he'd cry out for her. And she stayed with him every moment, comforting him. The only time she really left his side was during the few times he fell to sleep. She amazed me really, it must be so wearing. Sam didn't want anyone else to do a thing for him all day, he only wanted her. It was amazing to see the soothing power she had over him even when he felt the worst, but also so heartbreaking.

It's getting to her, seeing her normally bright and healthy son like this, of course it is. Last night my dad came home with me, but mum stayed with Sam. It wasn't an easy night for them. At 3.30 am mum was ringing up crying because of the stress of it all. Sam was plagued by fever-induced nightmares and seizures all night. It would have broken me down if I had witnessed it. I honestly expected the phone ring at some point last night and for it to be Mum telling us Sam had died. It was that awful, and I wasn't even there. She is so strong to carry on through this.

No parents should have to face the reality of having to say goodbe to their child. It's every parents worst nightmare. And I worry what will happen to my Mum after Sam's gone. She has put so much energy into being strong, for both him and us, and has spent her every moment with him doing everything she possible can. What's going to happen when he's gone, when she has nothing she needs to stay strong for and to fight for?

It really worries me. I hate to see her so heartbroken and suffering so much.