"You are the Earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity..."

I AM SO FUCKING CODEPENDENT.

Why can't I be happy by myself?
Is it solely because its human nature to be social, or is there more to it?

With nearly everyone I come across, I pour my heart and soul into our relationship -whether it be romantically, or as friends- and somehow I always end up hurt.
So I've come to believe that I'm fucked in the head. D:
I take everything so personally.

And with Abram, it was a million times worse. He's the only person that I have ever loved. And I can say that with complete truth. I loved him, and I still love him. He made my heart soar, my palms sweat, and my stomach fill up with butterflies. I didn't feel awkward AT ALL around him, which is like nearly impossible, because I feel awkward around everyone. There wasn't a fucking doubt in my mind about him. He was my world, my gravity, my sun, my moon. Its like we revolved around one another. But just for that second, just that one kiss, and then my universe came crashing down.

The sun was the sun again, and my life goes on. I can't help but to be bitter towards him because he's so dumb.
He tells me that he loves me still, yet he's dating my best friend.
Yeah, doesn't make too much sense.

But I can't help but melt when he plays me my song and talks to me at night.

So fuck. I'm kind of screwed here. D:

I think I'm phobic of bring alone. I need people. I need someone.
I need someone special.

I need things to change.
I'll fucking MAKE things change.