doesn't it just suck when someone you thought was your friend backstabbed you? yeahh, i bet almost everyone in the universe already got that experience. well imma gonna tell you about mine :]
(not very pleasant, i dunno why i'm smiling O.O)
it's pathetic really. my parents warned me aboutthis her, my good sense and logic also warned me,but still i had to ignore all warnings and trust this motherfucking bitch. honestly i'd never thought that she would actually do this to me. actually no, i have been thinking of the possibility but i'd never thought that she would hate me enough to do this. so basically, it's about a guy (when is it isn't -__-). a guy that i liked for quite some time, and someone that i liked not for looks only or because the joy that he likes me first (i liked two guys like that, both ended horribly, and i didn't know what made me do it). i actually liked him for, well him. not someone that was overly hot and awesome looking, or not someone that liked me first which made me so flattered into liking him, he was someone who was nice and funny and smart and talented, an over all awesome guy.
all of this, i trusted on my best girlfriend (the one who backstabbed me in the end -__-). i thought she was the only one i could tell these secrets to (well one of the people anyway), i trusted her so much and i valued her opinions in these kinds of matters. but before i confided with her, we had a big fight, something that includes lots of yelling and tears. i'll admit it was my fault, and i deserved to be told about what people don't like about me. i thought about what she said before the whole yelling thing, about my attitude, and i said 'sorry', i owned up to all my mistakes, opened all my cards in front of her, basically saying: 'im sorry for what i've done, now it's basically your choice whether to forgive me or not. if you do, awesome, but if you don't, fine by me, i could survive without you'. but still after that, she's still opening old wounds, confronting things that i did almost 3 years ago, something that i thought was in the past, and shouldn't be brought up again. it's ridiculous how she wanted so much out of me, and even more ridiculous how i let her do it.
well after that, we settled our differences (well that's what i thought at the time), and we became best friends again. we told each other everything and help each other in any possible way. but lets just say she got into a boy dilemma thing that is huge for her, and of course as her best friend i was there to help. but soon after that, she was telling all of our circle of friends about it, i didn't mind of course because we both trusted them. but then it was getting too much, everyone was so fed up about her talking about her boy dilemma. basically that was all she ever talked about. it's ridiculous. slowly, she was losing friends, no one wants to listen to her boy dilemma anymore, except me and her other best friend, but even us were getting annoyed by her. it's as if it would never end, and all she talks is about it.
in the midst of all that, i was telling her about my crush, about how he was different and awesome and sweet, she listened most of the time, i could only talk to her in her breaks of talking about her boy dilemma. however, there was a problem, i found out that my other friend liked him too, i was close to her in the last school year, because we were classmates. i felt it was wrong for me to like my crush when she likes him too, so i tried to stop. i tried avoiding him, not even looking in his direction. i even hated him for being nice to me. but i couldn't stop liking him, he was different. i couldn't explain how. i felt horrible because i felt that i was being such a bitch to my friend.
anyway, i was away for christmas and new year to another city where my mother's family lived. while my best friend stayed in our hometown. she went places with her other best friend and what we would call the 'popular' crowd. i was shocked when i found out, but got over it, because her other best friend is kind of close with them. i didn't care, until i came back for school. when i got to class, some kids from the 'popular' crowd was shouting my codename for my crush at me. i was shocked at first, but i kept my head down and pretended i didn't hear. i guess the trick worked because they stopped after a few minutes. at break, i told this to my best friend, her reaction surprised me, she didn't look at all shocked, she looked down and said 'oh?'. basically when i felt most stressed and angry, she didn't show one emotion. then she began saying how it could be one of my guy friends that i told about my crush, she said it might be them who told the 'popular' crowd. i thought it very possible at first, but still i was still confused why she didn't seem the least bit surprised when i told her.
the calling and the jeering went on for a couple of days, and it was obvious that my best friend and her other best friend heard it, even at some occasions, they were laughing along with the joke. also i saw them becoming very close to the 'popular' kids, it was confusing. but then i started to realize that them telling my secrets would be a very big possibility. i kept my distance for a while. until earlier today, my friend who also likes my crush came up to me and basically said 'don't trust them'. i knew exactly what she means. she also told me how they told the popular kids, and basically told me not to say anything of the importance to them anymore, because it will most definitely be passed on to the popular kids. i felt like i want to hug her. that is honestly one of the nicest things anyone had ever done to me. i thought other people would just love to see other people (in this case: me) fall. it's a lot easier than preventing it.
well yeah, thats about it. i know now that i shouldn't trust my so-called-best friend ever again. which is going to be hard for me because i pretty much trust almost every body. i'll just ignore her most the time, and i wont take her calls, i would be pretty much a loner. well, at least i'll be focused at school right?. i wouldn't do anything to embarrass her, or share her secrets to the world, i'll just let her have her fun, and maybe see her fall sometime in the near future. because God is fair, and i put all my faith in him to give her what she deserves.
in a lighter note, i want to shout out to my friends who have mibbas:
hippie pirate!
i heart you my friend :] yanoe i just read your blog in july when i was in denmark. ahhh i'm flattered you would actually talk about me.
jephadr :]
you. are. awesome! i laft you mdear :] you also took my comment virginity in my first story *tear* seems like only yesterday i posted my first chapter *reminiscing look to the far off distance*
ina wayy
my lovely photography friend. i miss your car honking bright and early in the mornings so we could go to our photography class together *reminiscing look to the far off distance again*. i laft, laft, laft you, and our awesome convos in mibba :D
so yeahh, that's it for now folks. vamperstein, over and out :]
xx
claudia
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