turning point of mylife

i have just thrown my heart out to the dogs one more time. i love her and there is no hiding it but ther are a few prombles. ok more then a few. guys i do not know what to do i cant have her in my life as a friend i cant have her there. like that. it would be like she was there but, just a mirror of what used to be. a memory that i will share only in my dreams and some nightmares. i have come to the point to where life will not be the same again. if she goes the way of she wants me back and we take it slow, i will never be able to make love again and we would just be living off of pure love! which is not bad at all! the is the other way to she sends back that she cant do this and i go along with mylife never taking a chance on anyone else in my life again. i can not live though another heartache. i bearly am making it now. guys i really wnat to die and it scares me because i thought i was other this shit! ever since this whole thing it is slowly coming back and i have not tryed to kill myself yet and i am proud of myself for that you guys jsut do not know the long road that i have traveled.i really need a helping hand and someone to lead me. i have a few friends that i can never replace! sarch and ashley! i really love them with all my heart! they are the best people i know! i am also scared they would live me. look guys they are tori's (the girl i poured me heart out too) best friend too and i am scared taha they will leave me for her if this does not workout right. can someone tell me that i have nothing to worry about and that everything will work out it's self! that is all that i want to hear right now.

love you guys and thank you for listening to my life.

~Austin~