I feel numb

Grinding my teeth behind a sad smile. And yet another bible passage being read to the helpless atheist.
I hope he finds some comfort in the fact that they love him. My hand next to his, nails pink. His hands are gray at best. Death must be near. He's sleeping more, less fits. Small blessing.
Their eyes dart from the bible, search mine. Did they think I'd burst into flames? I'm pleased that I can still find amusement in their discomfort. They see me in a lake of fire. At least I'm warm.
Did they think I'd tell them they are wrong, and be like them.? Never. Insult their comfort? Belittle them and make them to feel that they are invalid? Never. well, not now. I am stoic. I am the daughter of his sister. His fathers name dies with him.
Yes,I'm mad at their god, for nothing. It is petty at this point. Depression is anger with apathy.
James was deeper then this moldy old book. His secrets die with him, when ever that is.

Sad king, leave us, end your torture here and take that one last flight, for now. I'll see ya 'round. I hope that you know that I will not remember you as this.
I'll recall my childhood hero . Tall and smiling, in a captains uniform. Buckling me in and your excitement of the flight. laughing away my fear. Telling me the names of clouds . Informing me about the laws of science, and the truth of proof then letting me push a button.
He knew that if you made learning fun the ideas would come. He was a great teacher, hard worker and first flew solo at 16.
I'm past sobbing and moved on to numb tears. Never felt so strange.