The Donna Louise Trust

The following letter was written about three weeks ago.

"Saim,

When I found out you were ill, there were so many things I wanted to ask you. How did you find out? How would you cope? Would it hurt? I didn't realize that I wouldn't talk to you for a very long time. I don't nkow when we'll next speak to each other properly, without me feeling worried that at any minute you could break.

I don't know why I'm writing this. I know that you almost certainly won't read it because I 'll try and keep it from you, but once you get past this, and if we're still friends when we're older, I could show you some. Some, not all; some things micht be too difficult to tell you, even in ink. I can honestly say that since I found out about you're illness, I feel stupid for taking you for granted, and I'm sorry I wasn't a real friend to you. [...]

The first time I saw you, it scared me, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I already knew that you would look different, of course, but it shocked me. The loss of your thick black hair, your gaunt face and your sad eyes - I don't think I'm likely to forget that image.You look so small and vunerable right now, its hard to be my clumsy self near you. I don't understand what's happened to your leg, but I know that you hobble everywhere on crutches. I help you up the stairs sometimes. I daren't speak to you in case I say the wrong thing and it makes you upset, even though on the rare occasions you come into school, your always wearing that brilliant smile. I try to ignore the pain thats written on your face behind it.

You are an inspiration to me and a hero, and I know you don't want to be pitied. You're the bravest person I've ever been lucky enough to know, and I know you'll keep fighting this illness with the strength and courage I'm positive you have. I don't think I could cope if I was put in your shoes.

It's unfair that this had to happen to the most polite, lovable, friendly, smart and enthusiastic person in the whole school. I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, absolutely not, but this isn't right. [...] Remember the R.E. lessons in that first year we met? You taught me more than the teacher!

This is a letter of apology. I'm sorry that, when you rang the school and asked to speak to me, I cried and made you feel worse. I'm sorry I was scared to talk to you- you're still the same old Saim. I'm sorry I avoided you. I'm sorry about all the times you had to suffer through my mood swings! [...]

I need to know so much about you. I need to know you favorite things, your funniest memories. Everything. I need to make up for lost time."

Saim died on the 15th January, 2009, at 5:25pm.

The point of this journal is to raise awareness. Saim was being cared for in a centre that is specially designed centre for teenagers who are suffereing from life threatening illnesses called Treetops, which is powered by the Donna Louise Trust. His death would be less of a waste if we (me and teh rest of Saim's friends) could get just a few people to think about the centre, maybe even donate some money to the Trust.

I also ask you to wear a Yellow Ribbon; Saim's best friend, Izaak, designed these a few weeks before he died and has, at the moment, raised around £80 from them. This is an extremely worthwhile cause, so I'd like you to please think about it.