Vent #1

Time and time again people yell and scream around me. Making me boil and fester inside. Emotions are strung at every chance and someone has to make them break! Someone has to break them. Don't they understand! why can't I be left in peace. I've done everything you have asked of me. not questioning you or faulting you. when I am finished you find something else, something repetative. somethings that makes me feel as if i am not good enough. I don't know why I feel this way yet I still feel something. all the time you never talk to me and then finally you get on my case about something that doesn't even usually bug you! What is wrong. what is going on in your world that you must make me feel like shit? something is wrong and I know it. Yet you can't tell me. What have I done to you. what have i ever done to hurt you. "you always hurt the ones you love" why must you do this to me? to something so fragil so distant. Boundries. That is what I am putting up. I am putting back up walls and a fortrus that can not be broken. I will not open up, will not take the chance at being hurt again. I am tired of being pushed around like i don't have feelings. yet people think it is ok!!! Well it isn't. something is changing. I have held my hand out to you. I have done nothing to help you and heal you. All i want in return is a little understanding a little kindness. why can't i atleast have some existance in your world. oh wait! I never have and never will. end of story. No one tries to understand. I am losing everything and now you are crashing down on me. what have i ever done to deserve this?! I am not that little smiling kid you saw months ago. that kid is gone and someone totaly different has taken over her. she is nothing like that happy bubbly kid you used to know. a dark circle of hell has incircled her. something has broken and there is no way anyone can fix it. inside she is screaming and crying and hitting. she is beating herself up for what? something that isn't that big of a deal or something that makes her feel alive?