It's Worse Firsthand

Everyone has heard about heartbreak, I'm sure. People have heartbroken friends and relatives. Some of us have even been unlucky enough to experience heartbreak first hand. You never truly understand it until you feel it.

I was hoping I'd be older than fourteen years old when I experienced my first heartbreak. I can honestly say it's the worst pain I have ever had the misfortune to feel. To each person, it feels like no one else in the world can possibly understand. In my case, it's more a matter of no one else in my world understanding.

All of my best friends (as lovely and caring as they are) just can't relate. Few have ever had a boyfriend, let alone fallen in love. My parents met when they were sixteen, and have been together ever since, which seems unfair to me. Obviously, I'm hardly going to go and talk to any teachers about this. They'd probably expel me from the school.

Heartbreak really changed my life. At the very minute I am typing this, I have felt this way for almost three weeks - a short amount of time, I know, but it's been excruciating. For the first few days I refused to get out of bed. I didn't eat, I didn't speak, I merely cried. When I returned to school, my friends really saw the change. I'm not the same person anymore, and I'm worrying people by acting this way. My Mum is trying to help me, being all loving and motherly as usual. Of course I didn't tell her the full story - I only briefly mentioned that boys were upsetting me. 'Don't let them get you down, darling.' If only it was that easy.

The boy I am in love with lives quite far away, I'll admit, but distance does nothing to the intensity of love. We weren't even dating, but we were horribly in love with eachother. One weekend, I didn't speak to him, because I'd got upset over the most trivial of things - it seems silly now. Then, on Monday night a few weeks ago, he told me he was engaged to his ex-girlfriend. I was horrified - I could almost hear my heart cracking in half.

We've agreed to be friends, but I know that'll never be enough for me. It's horrible to miss someone that's right beside you. I miss him so much it's difficult to breathe. I've found I can't watch romance films, read romance novels (there goes Twilight) or listen to love songs. I can't think of his name, I can't talk about him without crying. I don't even want to sleep anymore because when I do, I dream of him. And I always wake up with a horrible, persistant ache in my chest.

I know I'm not the only one, but it sure feels like it. Heartbreak is everywhere, like a disease, and I can only hope I don't catch it again.