Love you Nan

My Nan passed away on Saturday 24th January 2009 at 7:30am, the same day that we were to travel to Leeds to watch Mindless Self Indulgence on the Kerrang Relentless Tour. We were really in two minds whether we should still go to the gig, but after seeing her at the hospital and knowing there really was nothing more we could do, we decided to carry on with our plans; that’s what Nan would have wanted and that’s what our parents insisted on too.

My Nan had a major stroke in April 2008. You may have read my journal about it already. If you have or haven't, I will just recap:

Nan had been in and out of hospital for nearly 12 months and in around September/August last year, it was decided by the hospital that she needed to be in a nursing home as she or my Grandad could not cope with her daily aftercare needs. She was firstly admitted to Delves Nursing Home, Walsall which she hated with a passion and to be quite honest with you, so did the family, but at the time, we didn't look into it too much.

She hated it so much that she made herself worse so that she could go back, and stay, in hospital. The family then found a much more suitable nursing home for her, and, after close inspection, it was decided by all of the family that Swan House in New Invention, Willenhall, was to be her last home.

Nan loved the place; both enjoying the accommodation and the staff equally. She was cared for in a way that left us, the family, happy that she was ok even when we weren't there; something that we hadn't felt in such a long while. She made friends in the home; the staff took a shine to her. She was looking forward to my Sister's wedding which was to take place on 6th December 2008. There were times when we thought it would never be possible for her to attend the wedding, but being stubborn as she always has been, she made it.

Saturday 6th December 2008 was a wonderful day. In the morning, the women of the Moseley family gathered at my Mom's house and drank champagne, including my Nan. Her carer was there to oversee any issues that may arise during the day. Myself, my Sister (the happy bride to be), my Mom and Dad, my Nan and Grandad and the two other bridesmaids travelled in the limo to the wedding venue. It was a strange affair; would Nan remember what was going on? Yes, she did and whilst she did, she enjoyed a glass and a half of bubbly. For the first time in what's felt like forever, Nan looked happy and pain free, something which my Grandad (who suffers from dementia) thoroughly enjoyed since this was the first time they'd spent with each other properly since Nan had gone into the home.

A wonderful, magical day was enjoyed by all, but by 6:30pm, Nan had had enough. We arranged transport for her, the carer and my Grandad and waited for it to arrive. Speeches were being held by the Groom at the time she had to depart, but both my Sister and I made sure that we said goodbye before she went. I really think that's when my Nan died; I cried as if I would never see her again, at least not this happy!

We tried to enjoy Christmas day, but when we had to change her after she'd involuntarily gone to the toilet where she sat, it was a little hard. We visited her throughout the Christmas week at the home, but she just looked frail and tired. Every day bought heartache. Then, quite abruptly, she was admitted to hospital again. She was very poorly and after a few days she got moved to the ward where she was admitted to when she first had the stroke. This was a warning for all of us!

A blockage was detected in her stomach, but the specialists, at first, did not have a clue what it was. On Friday 23rd January 2009 the hospital found that there was a kink in her intestines (not entirely sure exactly what the prognosis is). On the Monday of this same week, my parents had to cope with their beloved dog, Jasper, passing away. One thing I don't think any of us expected was Nan passing away on Saturday 24th January 2009. The family went to see her at the hospital and we all agreed that it was the most peaceful we'd seen her in a long, long time.

We all said our goodbyes to Nan that morning, but one thing is for sure; she'll always be with us. If someone loves you so much in life, then that will never stop in death. Just because the body has died does not mean that the spirit dies with it. I know my Nan will be with me no matter what. She's always taken care of me and that will never stop. I'm just so glad she's no longer in any pain now; that she's finally at peace.

We will all love you forever Nan. Goodnight, God Bless, sleep tight.