Bottle it Up and Screw You

I'm done talking to him about my feelings. He doesn't listen to me and he doesn't seem to want to talk to ME about OUR relationship, SOOO I'm done talking.

I'm sick of talking and getting no where. I'm going to just tune the world out. Listen to this:

I'm so tired and I can't help it
I just want to break down and cry
And I can't hold it in anymore

The pain of a broken pride
And the pain of a broken heart
He don't know
Anything about her

She's got an ego bigger than a jock
And she's got so much Pride
That she can't hide
She's done playing the game

And she don't know anything anymore
The pain of a torn down wall
The broken pride
She'll take it all in stride

He don't know
Anything about her.
And she'll just talk to herself
And write it off as something else

The pain from a broken pride
This is something she can't hide
She just doesn't know how to handle
It's so stressfull

Talk about being married
He don't know
Anything, about her.
It's so hard, to forget.

The pain from a broken pride
I'm being over run and drowned in the tide
I'm so stressed and I don't know
I can't help myself to this kind of pain

I'll take the pain and take the pills
But nothing can hide
This girl from her wounded pride
He don't know, Anything, about her.

She's so stressed and she can't do
Anything about it, because she knows
That he don't know, Anything about her
and her pride is broken.

Her strength has failed her
And the walls go up
There's no hope left
She's bottled up.

OK so that poem could go on forever if I let it. But I'm just going to sum it all up for all you faithful readers out there.
I'm so done of trying to fix it all myself, I have a pride and ego that would make you sick. And I can't help it. My temper is stronger than anything and holds me together. I don't know what to do anymore, I just can't help but feel so sick to my stomach everytime I see her face.

So I'm just going to start putting my feelings back inside of myself and ignoring any pain or type of feeling. If I'm happy, that's good for me. You won't see it. If I show excitement, it's nothing personal for me and doesn't reach all the way inside. If I'm in any type of physical or emotional pain, it won't show. I won't let it. I'm sorry, but everything from here on out is going to be pure facade.

The only truth to what I say is when I tell someone I'll listen, I will NEVER turn a deaf ear to someone in need unless it's myself. I will be there for ANYONE on this site who needs someone to talk to, or anyone who wants to say ANYTHING to me. Go for it. Hate me, love me, whatever. I'm here.

I will NOT show any emotion any more; not until I feel like I can be accepted by those who love and care about me.
February 3rd, 2009 at 04:36am