Well it's been a while since my last journal entry and yet the subject matter remains the same. I think it's time to explain the mystery of B1 and B2. I touched on them briefly in the last chapter of my mostly non-existant love life but as they play two of the central roles in this neverending drama I think people should know the history.
B1 was perfect for firsts, in fact he holds most of mine with the exception of one. First boyfriend (all the way back in 8th grade), first partner for PDA, first person to make me cry, first drunken... well you get the drift for that one. I even think I managed to get them in order. We broke up years before anything physical happened between us and I wasn't his first but he was mine. By the time he got to me he'd already been through most of my friends and I had already been through copius amounts of alcohol. It was so long ago and I still can't remember exactly what happened, though plently of people have been thrilled to tell me. Despite everything he still holds a little piece of me, though i'll never admit that to him. We do still talk, he's one of my best friends and for a time we even thought we could give the whole relationship thing another go... how wrong we were. When the thought first entered our heads I had just broken up with J. Thats all it ever was though, just a thought and in time it passed. J and I were in the process of fixing things when it next came up and that small part of me that B1 owned screamed out for it. After everything that had happened with I I was all too eager to come up with an excuse not to get serious with anyone else. B1 offered me the easy out and I took it. We tried to make it work... for an entire month... until I got passed some information from a mutual friend. It turned out that B1 had slept with 15 other girls that month. To say I was hurt is to put it very lightly. Which brings me to the mutual friend...
B2, I suppose saying he was B1's friend is a stretch. It's more like he puts up with his existance because it's illegal to kill him and B1 is too dense to notice the difference. But that isn't why he's made it into this entry. I've always been attracted to B2, for as long as I can remember and yet nothing has ever happened. Aside from shameless flirting (on both sides) and a few stolen kisses here or there. I'm not someone who cheats, I think it's despicable but some of those kisses were in times where I wasn't exactly on the market. He's another one who owns a piece of me, the only difference is he knows it and uses it to his advantage. Neither of us has ever made our attraction a secret but it's always been the wrong timing. The first time it even got slightly out of hand I was with N. Being as we're friends before anything else I had invited B2 over to keep me company for the day. We were messing around in my room, mock fighting and listening to music, when N called. I half sat/half layed on the bed as I talked to him and B2 sat next to me. I remember every single detail as if it were yesterday. I was wearing a red v-neck... same one i'm wearing right now... and jeans that were so rippped they could barely be called clothing. He was wearing his usual ensemble of black button down shirt and black pants. As I was on the phone he trailed his fingers up my leg until he reached the highest slash in my jeans. He gently brushed his fingertips over my bare flesh and I had to fight to keep my breathing even as I spoke to my boyfriend. And yet I didn't want him to stop. When he placed his lip on my neck, gently biting down I knew I had two choices... push him off or end the conversation. I chose wrong and hung up the phone as quickly as I could. By the time his mouth found mine my heart was hammering. When he finally broke it off I was dizzy. He's always had that affect on me. Before you truely hate me, that's as far as we've ever gone and N and I didn't last the week, though I never told him it was because of my own guilt that I was pushing him away. He didn't need to be hurt like that.
If this were a story book them two would be all I would need... B2... he would be my Edward, because neither of us wants to hurt the other and neither of us thinks we're good enough. B1 would be my Jacob. Friendship is never enough for him and even though I love him too... It also isn't enough. So what would Bella Swan have done if Edward had never come back and Jacob had imprinted on somebody else? William Faulkner once said "Perhaps they were right putting love into books... Perhaps it could not livve anywhere else."
Perhaps he was right.
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