A letter he'll never read

Basically I'm writing this because I could never tell him in person. I know he probably won't ever read this so I am free to write what I want.

Dear Connor,
I know we've been friends for a while now and I just thought you should know how much I appreciate you. I appreciate a lot of people but you do so much for me. You give me a ride home when you don't have to. If I happen to be upset and I ask you to come over, you seem to be there as soon as you can. You also get my homework when I ask you too. I know I can talk to you and I know you listen. I think in your thank you card I told you how much I appreciate you but I don't know if a card is enough to tell you. I don't think this letter is enough to tell you how much I appreciate you. When we go home after school, I have so much to tell you but I feel like I have to pick the words and everything just seems to personal which is silly because you've seen me when I'm so mad I could probably kill someone. You're also there when I am so happy that I want to pounce on you but I don't because that would be impolite. There are times when I want to choke you but most of the time i just want give you the biggest hug ever and kiss you. Yeah, that's right kiss you. You know me as someone who likes to give hugs but a kiss? That's not something I normally do.
You have no idea how much you mean to me. Have I ever told you that you are one of the few guys I feel safe with? I don't know if i ever told but I was asked out by this guy who I didn't really like and I told him no because I don't like staying out late without you. Is that bad? Maybe it is but it's true, since the summer ended I realized I don't like going out late unless I know you're there. Yeah I'll go out without you but I find myself missing you or thinking of you. I have recently listen to another Billy Currington song that makes me think of you. When you smile at me, look awhile at me, that changes everything. Did you know that when I see you, even when I'm sad, I feel softer. Like my emotions are just soft. Everything is calm. When I'm standing next to you and I feel like crying, I can't because you say something and I forget why I want to cry.
You are an amazing guy and there's something you should know. My family loves you. I know you have a family of your own but you should also know you have one here with my family. They think you're just amazing. They like how you're always taking care of me and they like that they can depend on you to keep me safe. If they could they'd tell you to marry me but I wouldn't go that far. I do love you Connor. I love the way you look at me. The way you give me space when I want to be left alone. I love how you get excited over stuff and when you make those funny noises. I love listening to you play the trumpet and guitar. I love when you're sitting and you're anxious how your leg shakes. I love when you look serious because I think it's cute. But then again I love your smile too. One thing I don't think you know about me is that I love talking but when I'm with you, I don't need words. Just being with you in silence is fine with me. What am I going to do without you? I really hope that I don't have to find out.
You're a good friend and I don't want to tell you again.

Love you always and forever
Ashley