Best Friends.

Basically, I had this massive argument with my "best friend", it turns out she wasn't really who I thought she was. Well, she was literally. But the things she'd said weren't the truth.

So I've lost a best friend. :( Anyway, I have this group of close friends at school, and this "best friend" was part of it. Although, I have another best friend but no-one in the group really likes her much. And their horrible to her sometimes, and I feel really bad about it, but I'm such a coward I can't stick up for her. And then, in this group of friends everyone's either like.. number 1 best friends with someone else. And I don't really have that. So I feel kindof rubbish.

I just want everyone to treat each other the same. And its all so difficult, because I want to be friends with everyone in my year, so I try and spend my time with everyone. But its annoying because when I sit with certain people they always ask me where my friends are. So I'm obviously not considered as one of their friends.

Also, sometimes, I feel like a friend in reserve. If you know what I mean. If someone has a fight, they come to me, and can be all pally. And then, when someones friends are away they're all like "Oh I'll have lunch with you today" because I obviously have nothing better to do with my time than eat lunch with them. I know it sounds completely pathetic and stuff, but like... after a while it gets really tiring. And to be honest, I'm sick of it.

And the other best friend, that no one in the group really likes, she always has a go at me for not waiting for her after class and stuff, when she always waits for me. But sometimes, I just don't want to. Sometimes I'd rather be on my own. I think, I honestly, only have 1 friend that never has a go at me. And she has a best friend who she spends all her time with. I mean she's one of my closest friends, and I could never replace her best friend because there just like... so close. But I just wish sometimes that I had someone like that. Who comes to my house loads, who my parents love, and who calls me their best friend too.

Hmph.

Ohh well.