My Confessions.

1)I want her to stop calling me.
I want her to start hating me.
I want her to stop being my friend.
I want her to forget about me.
I want her to know I lied to her today.
I want her to hate me for it.
I want her to beat the shit out of me.
I want her to hurt me.
I want her to know I'm just going to hurt her.
I want her to drop me like a bad habit.
I want her to stop telling me her secrets.
I want her to stop loving me.
I want her to stop worrying about me.
I want her to stop making me promise to call her if I need her.
I want her to stop answering her phone when I call.
I want her to stop making me happy.
I want her to stop making me love her more and more.
I want her to stop being so nice to me.
I want her to stop being my friend.
I want her to stop being there for me.
I want her to kill me.

I want her to love me the way I love her.

I will never get what I "want".

2) I cut.

3) I'm going to stop talking about my problems again. Especially to her. This is just whats going to be best for me. This way I can actually pretend that I'm happy for real. Talking again has just brought me more pain and it's brought her more pain too. I know she worries about me all the time now. I know she doesn't trust me either. She told me herself.

So my problems are going to stay my problems.

I hate my life.
I hate myself.
I hate my body.
And my hair.
I guess today I'm gunna pick dare.

Make it hard.
Make it hurt.
Make it so I won't forget.

4) ::cry: I'm so sorry honey. I fell tonight.
I'm smoking again.
I wanted to stop for you so badly, but I guess I really am just that weak.
Will you hate me now?
I really hope so, because then I won't have another chance to hurt you anymore.

I'm sorry.
But at least I'm crying now.

I hope you never forgive me.
I hope you stop talking to me.
Don't tell me it's okay tomorrow when I tell you.
Because I know it's not.
And if you do tell me its okay, then that makes you just as much of a liar as I am.

5) I'm hoping I'll die in my sleep tonight.
Just so I don't have to face her.
Nobody cares anyway.

6) I'm bleeding now. My fault.