What about me?

He's got everything, he's perfect in my eyes.
His smile, voice, laugh.
The way he looks at me, the way he sometimes stutters over words.
The way he speaks in french
His personality, sense of humor.
His low self-esteem, his wanting to improve himself-
His ambitions. His goals, his dreams.

I can't stand to see him seat behind me in class and talk to me, but on the weekends, choose my other friends over me, cause we've already spoken about everything that can be discussed over the week.

I can't seem to process information when I'm around him, he makes me nervous like no other. I don't seem to have the strength to speak to him outside of school, and I don't have the courage to treat him like I treat my other guy friends.

I don't flirt with him, I seem to care to much about his reaction to even make a movement without overthinking it in my head.

My heart beats 1000x faster when I see him somewhere I didn't expect to, and I blush a deep red, that I can never control. My mind is only focused on him, his reaction to my actions, the concecuence of me saying something to him, laughing about something he says, looking at him when he has an opinion in class. I can't seem to think or do anything that isn't related to him. I can't listen to anything without being reminded of him, or someone that somehow connects with him.

I never got jealous about a simple crush, but with him, if one of my friends speaks to him, my heart fills with jealousy, why isn't he speaking with me? Why does he ask her something, and not me? I know I''m not special, but couldn't you just make me feel as I were? Please? Speak to me. Talk to me. Confide in me. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it..!

What can I do? I haven't felt this strongly about someone before since two or three years ago, and I blew it back then, what would change now?

Have I changed into a more desirable person? I don't think so.

He liked someone else, and she turned him down, will I ever get the chance? Posible. Maybe. Not.