Dear Me,

Dear Past,
I know you think your world has stopped turning. You think everything is crashing down, your heart broken into tiny little pieces, so small that you can’t see them anymore. Do you realize how hard it is to let things go? Do you know it’s okay to run away when you can’t handle things? It’s okay to escape, to save yourself.
I hope you know you have people who love you. Who are trying to help you, if only you could look past your blinding despair. You wear that mask every day; bearing smiles so fake they make Barbie look real. Tear stains hidden so well, but the scars they leave will last you forever.
Honey, if you knew how much you would begin to love life you wouldn’t be able to wait. All those thoughts of hatred and anger will leave you forever, and you’ll live without regret. I’m telling you from my memory how great it’ll be. Look around you, can’t you see you’re surrounded? Our best friends are there to help, and family, too. They won’t let you down; I promise that with my life.
You’re only 12; you’re not supposed to try and grow up this fast. You only play being an adult, but honey, you’re not one yet. I’m still not. You’ll learn to appreciate those you love and those who love you, and you’ll learn who your true friends are when they see you at your worst and won’t care and just want to see your beautiful smile. They don’t care about the plaster-grin on your face, they’re looking straight through to see the real you, the one who you think is so horrible she needs to disappear.
Music is a release, but it won’t always help. It’ll stop working very soon, I’m so horribly sorry to say. I know you cry out for help but the words so often fall on seemingly deaf ears, when in reality you’re not singing loud enough, you need to scream as loud as you can! You’re afraid, but you can’t be afraid to keep on living, to walk this world alone. Say what you need to, and sing it out loud.
Despite what you think, you’re not expected to be perfect, because everyone knows you’re not; no one on Earth is perfect. Your ideals are so high they seem impossible, and someday you’ll realize that, and you’ll become comfortable with yourself. I know that seems so hard right now, and no, you won’t really like who you are, but you’ll be comfortable in your own skin for once. Life’s really a stranger to us, because we’re so young. I’m not much older than you are, honey, but the difference between us feels like a lifetime.
A year passed, things had changed. The hopeless began to hope. You started to see there was nowhere you could go if you didn’t start to smile. Your hands stretched out, grasping for someone to hold onto, were taken warmly by many others. The despair clouding your eyes began to lift as light and love poured in without restraint. Knowledge of those who cared came to you, and you accepted it, even though you were afraid.
Secrets were still harbored, but that was something to be dealt with at another time. You started to discover who you really were, and things you’d thought about became things you were. The decision was made to cut off ties with the memories of pain, which you thought would make it all better, make it all go away forever. Never did the thought cross your mind that you could be so wrong.
That day you smiled, the day you truly shone, your mask broke in half. You were so scared that day, knowing everyone would see the real you. The realization that you couldn’t hide anymore terrified you, and those dark, twisted thoughts snuck back under your skin, crawling around until they reached your head. Their goal was simple: seek and destroy. The loss of your sanity and self-esteem was their gain and delight.
But you made it through. You were able to smile again without covering your shining eyes with trembling hands. Again and again you stumbled, trying to find who you really were, but you never fell…someone was always right by your side, in front of you, behind you, all around you to catch you. It was an unspoken truth that none of you would ever let anyone fall, and that holds strong till this very day.
Life went on. You lost someone dear to you, but discovered four better friends only months later. Middle school ended as a new roller coaster began: the wonders of high school. You’re 14 now, and now you’re me. Now you know how you’ve changed, and how you change with the world. Isn’t it crazy what a difference two years did to you? Life’s surreal sometimes, and a little weird. By today, you’ll be saying this:
I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life. It’s so true, and you don’t realize how soon it will be that you’ll know that too.

Love Forever,
Me