Thanks....a rant

I love you too...

Why do I even bother feeling any emotions about it anymore? I mean really, it's completely useless and it's obviously not like the situation's going to change. So yeah go ahead, just keep doing it. I wonder if you even realize it.

YES I AM STILL ALIVE, I AM STILL HERE!

I'm sorry I'm too much of an inconvenience, I'll try to be a little less of a person for you. Okay, I'm all set. Walk all over me. Is that better? Am I doing it right? Did you want me to bolt my lips shut too? 'Cause I'll do that if you want. And break my hands so I can't write either. Then you really won't have to listen to me. Don't worry, I won't do anything to my legs that way you don't have to worry about getting me anywhere. I'll do it all for you.

Is that okay? Can you handle that much? Or should I dig my grave and toss all the pictures of me? That way you can really forget about me and you won't have to feel guilty that I was ever there or the things you did to me too.

Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to say that. I fucked up. And that's wrong. Which was why I apologized...many times over. But it's completely fine that you fucked up too. Don't worry about apologizing. It's not necessary. Oh, and you don't have to worry about piecing me back together either, I'll fit in the hole better this way.

Besides, I like being oztrasized and let down and broken. That's why I keep coming back right?

And you'll never read this so you don't have to worry. Actually, no. You want to. Guilt makes you push me away even more huh? That's why you do so much to me. But, hey. That's what I'm here for, rught?

While you gift wrap all your problems and my faults, just remember one thing. You did so much more to me consciously than I ever did to you, even unconciously. And I forgave you. I came back. And I was always there for you.

I can't remember the last time you were there for me.