Alone...nothing left...

I really just don’t know what to think anymore…it is so hard…not being able to just reach out and have someone there to comfort me as I cry my eyes out. I’m talking about school….my school life sucks…people that I thought were my friends have turned on me or ditched me for someone else. It so hard to hold back the tears when everyone is in their little ‘groups’ and I am sitting alone in the corner…is it really that hard for someone to say “hey Hattie what’s up? Hey Hattie how are you?” and whenever I invite myself in…someone usually steps in front of me and blocks me out of the conversation…and it just so happens that the only people I am actually friends with are only in like….1…2…or none of my classes…

I guess the point is…well there isn’t a point to writing this…I just…just…want to pour my heart out to someone…and when I can’t tell a real person…or my horses…the computer is the only thing I have. And I guess I have a few friends…but I feel…um…disconnected…different…far away. I’m not very trusting (maybe that’s my problem) I wish I knew someone that I felt comfortable just pouring my heart and soul out to…but that’s hard. I used to have good friends like that…but I don’t know what happened. They either changed or standards changed or I changed…either way…I somehow end up feeling hurt..unimportant…a loser…a nobody…a ‘freak’…

For anyone that took the time to read this….thank you….even the fact that people actually took the time to read my cries makes me somehow better…so thank you….