I Really Do Want Help

I highly doubt that I have some sort of serious illness like depression or bi polar disorder, but I can tell when something is wrong with me. And as I've been called "attention seeker" and "completely insane" many times before, i'm hesitant to talk about things that are bothing me. It's especially hard to speak about it to my mother, because every time she found that I cut she yelled at me. not that I do that anymore. But I feel like if I actualy asked to go to therapy then they would think im a little bitch who just wants to waste their money. I don't want to have to attempt suicide to get notticed. I don't wanna harm myself, but I feel like thats the only way they'll believe something is wrong. I have so many things that I cant talk about with anyone, I just want help and to understand why I feel so rotten and I wanna feel better about things that happened such a long time ago, but just wont leave my head. I just want to be able to ask to go get help before there is a visible problem. I don't want attention, I just want help.