You Don't Know How I Feel...

Everything is crashing around me. I don't know where to turn. I've got plenty of friends, but they don't seem to fill the empy void. I hurt so badly. I used to cut myself. But now, that doesn't seem to satisfy the pain I need. I feel that I should just disappear. Everyone's life will probably be better without me. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be accepted? I just wish I could die. I don't think that I deserve to take the precious time of everyone elses live. Maybe, once I'm gone, their lives will better. At night, I lay awake thinking 'Well, if this happens...then I'll do this' So you could say I think of suicide as an escape route. I know that this is terrible thing to think. I can't help it. My mother & docter are going to subscribe me a "special" docter, in oder to prevent me from killing myself. I need help, but I feel that no one fully understands me.