Today is a gift.

I woke up this morning, at 6:00, and figured the snooze game should be in effect. So I hit it until it got until about 6:15, then I got a shower, got dressed, and then... what? I sat on my bed for a solid 10 minutes, fully clothed and teeth brushed and ready to go, and I just didn't go. Sometimes I find myself knowing what to do, and never getting to do it. When I'm in these moments, I reflect on what's been going on in my life, and where it's going, and what I need to be getting to do. Today was different, though... I found myself just wanting to sit there and vegetate. It might have something to do with the fact that it was 6:40 in the morning, or that I hadn't gotten a lot of sleep lately, or that I found myself rambling to myself in my head, as I'm doing now. But I think what it mostly was... the real reason I wanted to just stay there in that moment, was that I felt like the world was a burden I couldn't carry today. I heard once... that yesterday is history, and that tomorrow's a mystery... and today's a gift. That's why they call it the present. Do you treat today like it's a gift? Or any day, for that matter. I mean, I feel like day in and day out I'm always doing the best I can to be kind and humble the way Christ asks me to... but I fall so very short every time. And I keep telling myself... "Self, you know what to do, so do it." But y'know what?

I hit snooze.

I can't begin to imagine the kind of struggles some of the people in my school, alone, go through. And when I view my problems in comparison to theirs, I find myself wanting to help, but wanting help as well. I don't consider their's any bigger than my own, I'm at this painful neutral that traps me in this small circle of... no feeling. Now, I may be jumping around a bit, but keep with me... I love choir. Singing with people that love to sing as much as I do, that's something I enjoy a lot. But I've noticed something. At church, I feel so much better about my singing than I do at school. And I believe it's because we sing songs in choir at school, but they're just songs... I don't know what the lyrics mean, I just know how to make it sound good. Where's the emotion in that? Where's the heart, the justice? It's as if I tinted the windows of a car completely dark, and painted the outside gorgeous and so appealing to all who see it... but the inside's brimming with junk. If you're reading, I apologize, my mind tends to jump around a bit, but somehow brings it all back together in the end.

But... in comparison to Christ? I fall SO very short. That man spoke from his heart, and he endured more than ANY of us can imagine. He gave everything he had to just be around the people he wanted to help, and didn't care what others thought of him. He brought his own justice, his own emotion, his own feeling to what he does... and it's inspiring. I just feel like I need so desperately to be more like him, but I just...

keep...

hitting...

...snooze.

And I find myself thinking back to the book of Matthew constantly... in Chapter 16, Jesus speaks and says "...you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men... What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?" (16:23,26). You could be reading this and be totally not a Christian, and I accept that you aren't... but this is a universal truth: We need to stop hitting snooze.
Day in and day out, whether you believe it or not, God is lifting you up with all He has, and when we stumble, when we doubt ourselves, when we lose our faith in everything... Christ calls us to rely on Him, as a permanent crutch. I just know that there are times that I do stumble, that I do doubt myself (I do that one a LOT), that I lost my faith... and a lot of times, it seems like there's nobody there to help me. I just keep forgetting Christ is there for me. All that is inside me screams to come back home.

I want to learn. I want to mean what I say, and say what I mean. I want a clean heart, one that has an answer for another weary heart. I want to call to the discouraged, and shine.

I want to stop hitting snooze.

How about you?