Hello, dreams. Pleased to meet you.

As the missed phone calls build up, only one thought rolls through my head:
I need to get some money and get out of my parents' grasp.

For many years now I've been holding the excuse that my parents wouldn't let me work.
And that was true.
However, I no longer live with them, and now I don't know what's holding me back.

Then it came to me in a harsh realization; a stab in the face, you could say.
I'm one of those people who's been handed so much in life that I don't even know where to start when building up my own future.
I'm one of those people who is scared to even take a chance at independence.
I'm one of those people who quits before they start, in order to not loose anything out of the experience that never happened.

Go ahead, look down on me, just like my parents do all the time.

Here's the thing.
I don't want to be the person who is hesitant due to fear.
I despise that person.
But I AM that person.

I come from a background where my parents can provide/ have provided every necessity, want or any object that I don't even want or need, to me. And this has left me, thinking that I don't have to do much to get by.
Also, in reference to my family, I am the odd one out.
Always have been, always will be. That is something that I cannot help. I was born with the ability to overthink situations (not necessarily, born - but, more likely developed from being the "criticized" and not the "critic" in childhood games). I consider it a gift.
However, I struggled the entirity of my life for acceptance from my family.
From the extended memebers of the family, I often overhear them speaking about how I can't go about living "the way I do."

The way I do?
Is it really a terrible thing to go out in hopes of acheiving something that I've been wanting since I was five years old?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to listen to you, then. And go for a career in something that I hate JUST like you, because it's a safe way out.

I hear about it all the time, how I'm not going for "full potential", I "only have so long to live and I'm basing it on a dream that won't get me anywhere", that it "isn't okay" for me to go on a different path.

And today I finally asked myself: why?
Why isn't it okay?
Do I have to be exactly like you?
Why can't I be the free spirit dreamer who wanders around and scrapes up money by drawing, writing, and doing the things she loves to do?

Do I wish that I were like every other person and that I could go to work every day, feeling healthy but dreading it, and sticking it out for years?
I think everyone does to an extent. It's "safe."
But, am I content with accepting the fact that the "safer person" isn't me and may never be me?
Hell yes, I am!

This brings me to a conclusion. A jumpstart that tells me to finally go out and stop being hesitant.
I don't need someone to tell me I'm not good enough because I'm not like every other member of society.
I don't need someone to tell me that I'm not going to make it doing what I do.
I don't need to be told that it's time to grow up.
I'm growing up.
It's a slow process, I'll admit that. But, for now, I'm doing fine.
I am growing up.
I'm just doing it in my own way.

And I'm sorry, mom and dad. But I'm not that bad of a kid.
I'm not blaming you for anything more than what you have admitted to doing. You have held me back from getting a job and managing my own money. And you know that. This is my first year; my first experience with this. Not everyone picks it up right away, especially a girl who was raised getting whatever she asked for. So, could you please refrain from the yelling.
I get it.
I'm learning.
In the meantime, realize that I, your daughter, compared to everyone else...I've been great.

Rememeber:
"It takes different strokes to move the world."
And, I know I'm different....so different. And sometimes, so hard to deal with.
But in the end, know I'll always come through.
You know that, I know you do...

with love - shandi.